"My father is 70 and it's as though he is reliving adolescence," the concerned daughter shared.
"He recently bought a red sports car and then told my mom he doesn't want to be married anymore. My siblings and I are in shock. Last year, they celebrated their 40th anniversary and everything seemed fine. They never had a great marriage — but divorce, at this age? What's he thinking?"
After more than 25 years as a divorce recovery expert, I've noticed a trend. More Boomers and seniors — Christian and non-Christian — are choosing to leave a spouse of many years. I felt so strongly about the problem that I included an entire chapter on the subject in my book, When "I Do" Becomes "I Don't" — Practical Steps for Healing During Separation and Divorce.
Recent research supports my hunch. A study entitled "The Gray Divorce Revolution," by Sandra L. Brown and I-Fen Lin, reveals that from 1990 to 2012, the divorce rate among Boomers and seniors has doubled. Approximately one in four divorces in the U.S. occurs among those 50 or older. In addition, the divorce rate in that age range is 2.5 times higher for those in remarriages versus first-time marriages.
The study also revealed that adults 65 and older report the divorce rate as increasing and the widowed rate as decreasing. The Bible touts gray hair as a symbol of wisdom, character, and stability (Prov. 16:31; Ps. 92:14). So why are Grandma and Grandpa duking it out in divorce court instead?
The following are my insights from the study:
1. We're living longer.
The age expectancy today has increased. That fact alone inflates the possibility of divorce in retirement years. Simply put, there are more seniors alive than ever before.
2. Boomers and seniors have a higher rate of remarriage.
Numerous statistics reveal that the divorce rate in a second marriage is higher than that in a first time marriage. The complexities are greater the second time around, especially if children are involved. Adult kids often struggle when a parent remarries. This causes strife between the couple.
3. The kids are back!
It's not uncommon for retirement to be sabotaged by kids and grandkids who move back home. For a couple ready for retirement, this can prove difficult. In stepfamilies, the biological parent's guilt or fear can prompt a "yes" to the kids even if he or she recognizes the decision as unwise. This creates tension in the marriage.
4. Commitment levels have lessened.
Unfortunately, divorce is now a common occurrence. Saying "I do" used to be a sacred promise between a man and a woman — a vow. But for the Boomer and senior generations, many are deciding to abandon their pledge. Departing spouses often state, "I'm no longer happy," or "I never really loved you," as a reason for the marital demise.
5. There's a big bump in the rug.
The daughter quoted previously, without realizing it, answered her own question. Her parents didn't have a great marriage. Ignoring the issues became habitual. The over 50 crowd often divorce because they're tired of the charade. Failing to address long-term marital issues can prove disastrous. "I've ignored your nagging, abuse, adultery, booze, (whatever) for 40 years, and I'm not going to take it anymore" is a characteristic response.
6. The clock is ticking.
Aging tends to cause us to grasp onto life more tightly. For some, this means attempting to relive their youth. This can result in seeking a new sexual relationship to evoke the "tingly exhilaration" associated with adolescence. A new romance deceptively whispers an opportunity to "turn back the hands of time."
7. Honey, you shrunk the house.
In 2006, my husband went through a season of unemployment. With no warning, we occupied the same space 24/7. He felt overwhelmed and discouraged. And I was angry and frustrated when his constant presence invaded my space. I remember thinking, "No wonder so many break up after retirement. All this togetherness is driving us crazy."
8. People are more transient than in former years.
This creates fewer family connections and less accountability. Walking out of a marriage becomes easier when a person doesn't have to face the grandkids, church family, or neighbors.
9. Some settle for religion rather than a relationship with Jesus.
Those without a genuine relationship with Jesus are more likely to view marriage vows as breakable. Religious rules without a tender connection to the Heavenly Father leaves us flat, bored, and seeking purpose elsewhere, and also tend to produce an "I deserve this" mentality. This deception eases the conscience when abandoning a marriage - but contradicts biblical truth.
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This article is courtesy of Mature Living Magazine.