This is an excerpt from The Way of Wisdom Bible Study from Jen Wilkin, Ruth Chou Simons, Kelly Minter, Adrienne Camp, Elizabeth Woodson, and Courtney Doctor.
Rarely does anyone other than the engineer or builder consider the foundation of a house, but we all know it is the most essential part, upon which everything else is built. Just like a physical home, the quality of the relational foundation within the home informs everything built upon it. In the same way that the Holy Spirit gives us wisdom to use wise words and be wise friends, He also empowers us to build a strong, sturdy “house” that can withstand storms of many kinds.
None of us desire our relationships to fall apart, yet we live in a world filled with immense brokenness and relational pain. Through the wisdom of the Lord, we can forge bonds that endure and bring deep joy and enrichment to our lives. We can learn to cultivate relationships that will grow stronger over time and bring joy and fulfillment to all involved. But to do this, we must prioritize our relationship with the Lord above all else.
“Therefore, everyone who hears these words of mine and acts on them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain fell, the rivers rose, and the winds blew and pounded that house. Yet it didn’t collapse, because its foundation was on the rock. 26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and doesn’t act on them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. 27 The rain fell, the rivers rose, the winds blew and pounded that house, and it collapsed. It collapsed with a great crash.”
Matthew 7:24-27 CSB
Matthew 7 is a teaching from Jesus’s Sermon on the Mount which emphasizes the importance of hearing and acting on the Word of God. I want you to notice that the wise builder is the one who hears and obeys God’s Word. This person is actively following God’s instructions to build the foundation of her life. She has counted the cost of ignoring His words and trusts that His way is better.
Think about the foundation of your family relationships. (This doesn’t have to be limited to the people you live with. This could be your parents, grown children, roommates, or even the spiritual family God has given you.) Think through the following questions, and ask the Holy Spirit to help you evaluate your foundations.
What character traits are present?
What activities do you enjoy doing together?
What are the things you talk about most often?
How do you handle conflict?
As you process these questions, consider whether your household’s foundation is solid or cracking. Is it sturdy enough to support everything built upon it?
I’d dare say none of us would score a perfect ten in the area of family relationships. We all have something we can grow in, even in a home where peace and love are prominent. It’s good to name these areas, as our posture should always be that of wanting to learn and grow.
Solomon claims that, by virtue, a house is filled with all sorts of precious wealth and furnished with the revealed wisdom upheld by the Lord.1 When he speaks of building a house with wisdom, he emphasizes the importance of thoughtful, deliberate actions and making decisions that reflect godly principles. It has been said that every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.2 The seeds we sow today will be the harvest we reap tomorrow.
"The proverbs of Solomon son of David, king of Israel:
2 For learning wisdom and discipline;
for understanding insightful sayings;
3 for receiving prudent instruction
in righteousness, justice, and integrity;
4 for teaching shrewdness to the inexperienced,[a]
knowledge and discretion to a young man—
5 let a wise person listen and increase learning,
and let a discerning person obtain guidance—
6 for understanding a proverb or a parable,
the words of the wise, and their riddles."Proverbs 1:1-6 CSB
The way of wisdom in family relationships begins in our hearts, which is why the fear of the Lord and dependence on His Word are essential. We need the Holy Spirit’s guidance, advice, and strategies. And like Proverbs 1:5 says, we can’t walk the way of wisdom unless we’re willing to learn and grow. Spiritual growth is a life-long pursuit.
"Never let loyalty and faithfulness leave you.
Tie them around your neck;
write them on the tablet of your heart.
4 Then you will find favor and high regard
with God and people."Proverbs 3:3-4 CSB
"Don’t accuse anyone without cause,
when he has done you no harm.
31 Don’t envy a violent man
or choose any of his ways;
32 for the devious are detestable to the Lord,
but he is a friend[a] to the upright.
33 The Lord’s curse is on the household of the wicked,
but he blesses the home of the righteous;
34 He mocks those who mock
but gives grace to the humble."Proverbs 3:30-34 CSB
"In the fear of the Lord one has strong confidence and his children have a refuge."
Proverbs 14:26 CSB
Here are a few key insights I gathered from these proverbs:
Wisdom deepens and directs relationships, while righteousness provides a secure foundation for the family.
Trust in the Lord frees us from fear and the need to control.
Reverence for God influences how we relate to others because we don’t hold others to a higher standard than we hold ourselves.
Our willingness to let the Lord change our perspective is evident in how we interact with Scripture—we must approach the Bible with the intention of allowing it to shape and transform us. A fitting response is to let it challenge our preferences and refine our character. This is how wisdom will become evident in our lives and how we position ourselves to pass that wisdom on. When my oldest daughter, Bella, was younger, she was a bridesmaid in her friend’s wedding and was nervous to walk down the aisle in heels. We decided to have a few practice runs before the big day and were chiming in on what she had to do: “Pull your shoulders back! Have fun! Walk confidently!” We were laughing at our commentary when finally, she blurted out, “I have to see myself to fix myself!”
I have to see myself to fix myself.
That is such a true statement. As we evaluate ourselves, we can see where we’re walking the path of folly and where we’re walking the path of wisdom. Before we can influence those around us with the wisdom of the Lord, we have to look at ourselves and ask God to show us where we need Him to grow and change our own hearts and lives.
As you gaze inward today, consider the following questions:
What influences have weakened or strengthened your relationships, and what are you cultivating now that you hope will continue to flourish?
What intentional routines or practices can you implement that will foster wisdom, health, and the love of God in your home or family relationships?
Take a moment to pray for insight and clarity, asking God to guide you in creating and maintaining a home that mirrors His loving nature. As you pray, remember that the true treasures of life are found in relationships marked by love, wisdom, and, above all, God’s presence. Ask the Lord to help you embrace His words, so that both your ears and heart are attuned to His voice.