This is an excerpt of The Love Dare for Parents: Study Guide.
What are the challenges for the child who experiences a parent's moral failure?
The parent who walks away from the Lord gives an example that, if repeated by his or her children, can lead to generations of pain in this life and misery in the next. Our children will encounter heartache and disappointments, but an introduction to sin and its consequences should not come from their parents!
Read Exodus 20:4-6 for how generations of children were affected by their parents' obeying or disobeying God. Do not make an idol for yourself
. . . You must not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the fathers' sin, to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing faithful love to a thousand generations of those who love Me and keep My commands.
We've all seen children who have greatly suffered because of their parents' ungodly decisions. As many as four generations can feel the effects of a legacy of sin, according to this passage. But, more powerfully, the legacy of faithful love can last more than a thousand generations!
Every person has sinned against God and made mistakes. But there is great hope for the future because of God's mercy to forgive and His grace to heal if we fully repent and choose to walk with Him. Your walk with God can literally turn your family around, both now and in the future.
What example are you modeling?
Both parents can and should model healthy relationships. Your words and attitudes should help your children respect the other parent more, not less. Make "honor your father and your mother" (Ex. 20:12) easy for your children to do.
Your kids know when Mom and Dad aren't getting along. They are watching to see how you work things out and to understand what marital mercy looks like. They overhear you talk about coworkers, dysfunctional neighbors, and difficult people.
They learn your extended family's epic saga of who did what to whom and why you intentionally never get around to seeing certain people at holidays anymore.
Your children are learning from you how to either dig in their heels and find a reason to remain bitter or to extend the loving grace that God extends to us, overcoming their greatest obstacles with forgiveness and peacemaking.
What do you think would be different if your kids routinely saw you tackle relational train wrecks with relentless love?
Children stand and grow on the foundation of their parents' relationship. The more you show genuine love and respect for your mate or your ex, the stronger and more loved your children will feel. Being faithful, warm, understanding, and cooperative with your wife or husband may not always be easy, but it will cash out in your children's hearts as security, peace, strength, and greater self-acceptance.
Our personal examples set the tone. Are we loving and respectful toward each other as husband and wife - forgiving, patient, and kind? Are we showing our kids how to love a woman, how to respect a man, and how to treat the opposite sex by the way we cherish one another?
One of love's high-level jobs is to show our children that while no marriage is perfect, all marriages can be loving. Even if you're a single adult or a divorced parent, you can look for ways to live out and encourage the biblical standards of love, purity, and faithfulness you desire for them.
It is OK to respectfully disagree behind closed doors, but a father and mother need to operate in agreement when they are in front of their children, because you are defining the concepts of marriage, unity, communication, and reconciliation in their growing minds.
They will naturally tend to follow your example - whether it is one of love or bitterness. And they will tend to pass your example on to your grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
Are you modeling a growing relationship with God? (Deut. 6:5-7)
Read this statement from The Love Dare for Parents. Do you agree or disagree? Explain why: We must commit to exemplifying a life that lines up with our words, not only until the temperature in the house comes back down, but with ongoing, prayerful dependence on God. We're not just confessing; we're changing.
How do the people in your home benefit if you are walking closely with God?
Read Deuteronomy 6:5-7.
Love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. What is significant about the order of the instructions in this passage?