Across the street or around the globe, we really aren't that different after all.
A few years ago I hosted a dinner party at my apartment in Miami. A remarkable feat for someone who isn't sure she could tell you the difference between a sauce pan and a frying pan. I even managed to pull off a near-perfect risotto with a little help from Jamie Oliver. But as I think back, what strikes me as most remarkable is the diversity of the people gathered.
Across from me sat a friend who relocated to Florida from Queens, a first-generation New Yorker whose parents moved there from Guatemala. Next to her was the daughter of African immigrants who made their way to Miami when she was a child. In the third chair sat a blonde-haired German who came to the States years ago. Across from her was another friend who had grown up in Florida but picked up a European flair after living in Vienna, Austria, for eight years. And then there was me, a Southern transplant by way of Nashville, Tenn.
The dinner wasn't some kind of forced exercise in diversity training, a la "The Office," though. It was simply a gathering of friends from church.
But if I'm honest, I have to admit that the get-together was pretty out of the ordinary compared to my church experiences before moving to Miami. I didn't grow up in the church, but even as a kid I heard that Jesus loves the little children of the world - red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in His sight. Still, when I came to faith as a teenager, I didn't see much in the way of red, yellow, or black in my church. In fact, many of the churches I've attended throughout my adult life have been more monochrome than mosaic.
But if God's kingdom is made up of people from every race, tribe, and nation, then cross-cultural friendships should be a no-brainer for Christians, shouldn't they? Friendships with people who aren't necessarily like us should be a natural part of following Jesus, right?
Hiding? Go and Seek.
Sure, we like to be around people who are like us. It's comfortable. We know what to talk about and what not to talk about. It's safe. Maybe there's nothing wrong with that and maybe there is, but one thing is sure: It keeps our worlds small.
That's part of the reason Heather Wetherington shows up each week at a ThriftSmart shop to hang out with children while their parents study in English as a Second Language (ESL) classes.
"Most of my life I've gone from one bubble to the next where I was protected from seeing anyone really different from me," says the Nashville, Tenn., based graphic designer. "I went on mission trips overseas, but in my life on a daily basis I wasn't interacting with anyone who looked different from me. ESL is this one thing that I've put into every week so I can build relationships with people who aren't like me."
Joanne Palmer, who has seen the world at her doorstep through years of work with Walt Disney World in Orlando, Fla., puts it this way: "We live in a world that's changing fast. Cultures and races are blending together. Christians can't live in a bubble, surrounding themselves with like people and think that they're effective."
Embrace the Awkward.
Just what is it that keeps us from connecting with all kinds of people? Maybe we're lazy. Maybe we just like what's easy.
Cross-cultural conversations can be a little awkward at times. What if you run out of things to talk about? What if you bring up the "wrong" topic? What if you accidentally offend? Those are risks to be sure. But so what?
When we're willing to ask questions with a humble attitude and desire to love, people can look past our ignorance about their culture. The key is to be real. Turns out love really can cover a multitude of sins.
Be Open.
To say we're all human and there's no difference is a tad naïve. We're all human, of course, but there are certainly differences. And that's what makes cross-cultural relationships so rich.
Sociologists warn against ethnocentrism, or the tendency to see the world and the people in it primarily from the perspective of one's own culture. But let's be real: We all see the world through our own experiences and culture. The problem comes when we think our way is the only way - or the only right way. The key is to be open to learning about another perspective.
Stop Trying So Hard.
How do we, then, build relationships without treating people like projects? The answer is to stop trying so hard.
"I don't force things," Wetherington adds. "I don't feel there's a formula as much as it's being a little more aware."
Perhaps part of crossing cultural barriers also means learning to get over ourselves. Wetherington would say that's true for her. She got involved in ESL after a co-worker told her about the program. Then Wetherington's church offered it as a summer discipleship option and asked her to lead it.
"Showing up on Tuesday nights at 6:30 is not necessarily leadership," she says, "but hey, I'll show up every week. I know how to do arts and crafts and play ‘heads, shoulders, knees, and toes.'" And now, years later, turned into what Wetherington calls the "best part" of her week.
So what does living as part of God's diverse kingdom look like? It looks like showing up at a thrift shop on Tuesday nights to play games with children. It looks like having people over for dinner. It looks like asking sincere questions in an effort to really get to know someone - and then listening to the answers. It looks like engaging in the world around us. And maybe one day it will look like something we don't even have to write about because it's so, well, unremarkable.
This article is courtesy of HomeLife Magazine.