This is the third in a series of five articles dealing with the top five causes of forced terminations as identified in the 2006 Forced Termination survey. You may access cause number five, The Church was already in conflict when the pastor arrived, and cause number four, The pastor's leadership style was too strong.
Cause 3: The pastor has poor people skills
I believe that good people skills are foundational for effective pastoral ministry. Since these skills are open to a wide range of interpretations, I will define people skills as “the ability of a pastor to minister effectively to and through people.”
Here are four reasons I believe pastors struggle in relating to their church family.
1: Some pastors struggle with the role of a “shepherd of the flock who ministers to and through people.”
In the book, O Shepherd, Where Art Thou?, Calvin Miller indicates that this struggle is, “rooted in the notion that a pastor’s main responsibility is the sermon.” Miller says, “The importance of the sermon cannot be dismissed, but it still is second to the pastor’s commitment to live in the world and represent at every moment of the week the will of the Savior.”
2: Some pastors don’t like people
In one of Charles Schultz’ Peanuts cartoon, Lucy accuses her brother Linus of not loving his fellow man. “I love mankind,” was his indignant response. “It’s people I can’t stand.” Studies have shown that there are some pastors who don’t like to be around people. If you find yourself in this category of pastors, you probably find your fulfillment in your study rather than in the interaction with people.
3: Some pastors have been hurt
Some of you have been hurt by people and you are seeking to insulate yourself from this happening again. You may now find it difficult to have a trust relationship with the members of your church family. This leads you to limit your interaction with people.
Some pastors fall into a people-pleasing trap
You are a people pleaser and have encountered the hard truth that you can’t please all the people all the time. Read more about this struggle in the free article How to Get Beyond the People-Pleasing Trap.
Tips for good people skills
1. Study the life of Jesus and learn how He related to people
Reread the Gospel accounts that show how Jesus related to and worked with both followers and adversaries. The following books deal with the example of Jesus for your relationships:
The Leadership Lessons of Jesus by Bob Briner and Ray Pritchard
Influencing Like Jesus by Michael Zigarelli
Jesus on Leadership by C. Gene Wilkes
The Character of Leadership: Nine Qualities That Define Great Leaders by Jeff Iorg
2. Consider these truths about pastoral leadership
You will not be able to get along with everybody all the time.
Everybody has one or more difficult persons in their lives.
You can’t change people; only God can. You will have to learn how to relate to people as they are.
People are not perfect and therefore will disappoint and even hurt you from time to time.
3. Have a proper understanding of what it means for God to call you to pastor His church
Here are a couple of books that will help you to evaluate your call to ministry.
Is God Calling Me? Answering the Question Every Leader Asks by Jeff Iorg
O Shepherd, Where Art Thou? by Calvin Miller
4. Get feedback from trusted advisors
Develop an informal feedback group of trusted advisors within the church and periodically ask them to evaluate how you relate to the congregation. (Learn How to Start a Pastor-Church Relations Team.)People Skills Free Download PDF
5. Seek help in those areas of your life where you know you have a weakness in people skills
There are conferences and consultations available from Lifeway as well from your state convention to help you. This article by Michael Zigarelli, author of Influencing Like Jesus, is a good place to start.
Free Download: 8 ways to improve your people skills (110 kb PDF)
6. Thank God for the people of your church and pray individually for them