Did you know that in the past, people were considered to be adults at a much younger age than we consider them today? In the Hebrew culture, for example, the right of passage of the bar or bat mitzvah (for young men and women, respectively) meant the individual had transitioned from childhood to adulthood. From this point forward, a parent could no longer be held liable for his child's dishonorable behavior. (This was considered a great cause of rejoicing!)
The young person would now be considered an adult and would increasingly be given more adult responsibilities. At what age did this "right of passage" occur? Young men typically had their bar mitzvahs at the age of 13; young women at 12.
Historians have found significant documentation that many other civilizations had similar "right of passage" types of celebrations. In fact, many scholars are convinced that the long gap between childhood and adulthood, which we call adolescence, simply didn't exist in ancient cultures. It seems that up to the late 1800s or so, young people all around the world between the ages of 12 and 16 were considered old enough to marry, go to war, vote, and do numerous other things our culture labels strictly "adult."
Walking the halls of any American high school is enough to see that for many the teenage years are a time to experiment — to find yourself through the color of your hair, the fit of your clothes, or the message on your social media post. Teenagers try on different personalities every week, trying to find the one that fits. But the Bible doesn't isolate the teenage years as a special period of time in a person's life. Nor does it indicate that teenagers should to be treated as anything other than adults.
If that's true, then our children should know: Standing out just to be different is not enough. They need to stand out for the right reasons.
Biblical Examples
Jesus was a teenager to be sure. But He wasn't an adolescent. At 12, he was sitting in the synagogue astonishing those who heard him (Luke 2:47). It's likely His mother Mary was in her teens when she was chosen by God to carry, deliver, and care for the Lord Jesus. Daniel, as a young man, "determined that he would not defile himself with the king's food or with the wine he drank" (Dan. 1:8). And let's not forget his three faithful and courageous friends who were also led off to captivity in their youth: Shadrach, Meshack, and Abednego. Jacob's son Joseph, King Josiah, (John) Mark, and others made appearances in the Bible as young people.
If God believes teenagers are capable not only of behaving maturely, but also of serving Him faithfully by ministering to others, why should we believe any less?
What To Do
Teenagers should be given the opportunity to prove themselves to be responsible adults and, as much as is possible, to be treated as such. As your child gets older, your relationship with her will change; as her autonomy increases, the way you relate to each other will increasingly be characterized by friendship - as mature brothers or sisters in Christ - and decreasingly characterized by authority and subordination. This new adult relationship is right around the corner.
Prepare your teenager now: While adolescence is a time to find out who they want to be, it's not a free pass to behave counter to God's will. He expects more from them at home, at school, at work, and everywhere between.
Give them the freedom to make mistakes. Help them see that standing out just to be different isn't enough, and point them to biblical examples of teenagers who did it for the right reasons: to get closer to God.
Now is the time for you and your teenager to start preparing and practicing for the next level of your relationship. Of course, all of this is going to be dependent on your child's level of maturity. He is really the one in the driver's seat, and he may not be ready. If so, don't pressure him, but guide him through the changes and pressures he's feeling.
Teaching our children what counter-cultural really means, that we are set apart for a specific purpose, and that they are no longer children but rather emerging adults who are capable of doing great things for God isn't just a great way to help them through the twists and turns of adolescence: It's one of the best ways to impact society with the gospel of Jesus Christ.
This article is adapted from the book Keeping Your Cool. It is provided courtesy of Parenting Teens.
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