Children with low frustration tolerance, limited verbal skills, and little ability to reason or compromise often act aggressively to get what they want. Some children use aggression as a way to gain a sense of power when a situation is too stressful. Aggression in older children may reflect inappropriate relational habits and a lack of problem-solving skills.
Try the following to tame your child's aggressive behavior.
Always respond promptly and firmly when your child displays aggression.
Consistently enforce that hurting others or damaging property is not acceptable. Say: "No hitting. Hitting hurts people." Remain calm. Your child needs you to model how to keep your composure.
Offer your child an alternative way to respond when he is upset or angry.
Explain that it is OK to be angry. It is the way you express anger that can be either harmful or positive. Brainstorm acceptable alternatives to hitting. Suggest: "Use your words to tell Garrett what you want." Compliment your child when he shares or takes turns.
Help your child calm down and tune into his feelings.
To get into a problem-solving mode, your child needs to regain control of his emotions. Encourage him to talk about what has upset him. Help your child build a vocabulary of feeling words, such as angry, mad, sad, frustrated, mean, or unfair. Once he is calm, help him consider available options for resolving a dilemma.
Establish a consequence for hitting and enforce it consistently.
Do not use verbal or physical intimidation to punish aggressive behavior, as this sends a confusing message to your child. A brief period of social isolation (time-out) helps an angry child calm down and gain control of his impulses. Give your child extra "time-in" to help him feel loved. Require your child to make amends by apologizing for a rude remark, gently patting a child's sore arm that he has hit, or replacing a toy broken in anger. With an older child, consider temporarily withdrawing a privilege, such as watching TV or playing computer games.
Teach impulse control.
Offer your child techniques for calming down, such as walking away, counting to 10, taking deep breaths, blowing bubbles, or going to a "calm-down place" to cool off. Praise him when he manages to cope with a stressful situation without being aggressive.
Seek professional help.
Seek professional help if your child is habitually aggressive and his behavior is disruptive or interferes with his ability to get along with others. It is possible that underlying emotional issues are contributing to his aggression.