Twixters. Boomerangs. Adultolescents. Kidults.
Several years ago, these words weren't even in our vocabulary, but today they are frequently used to describe young adults who are moving back in with their parents. Chances are, if you are a Baby Boomer, you have dealt with this issue personally or you know someone who has.
Regardless of why this situation has occurred, there are things you can do to help navigate these uncharted waters. God can use this experience to grow you beyond what you thought possible. Here are five tips to encourage you or those you know who are boomerang parents.
1. Set clear expectations.
Each situation is unique because each child and parent is unique. Some children live at home for just a few months while looking for a job; others stay at home for two years to work and save money. Most experts agree that you should seriously consider whether or not your child should pay rent or at least contribute to some of the household expenses. Even if it is simply $100 per month, this provides kids with self-respect and helps teach them responsibility. I read about a mom who collected rent from her children once they had graduated from college and had a job. She put the money into a savings account and then surprised them with it when they moved out. Certainly, you need to evaluate your own finances and determine what you can afford to provide.
Other expectations to discuss include how long they can stay in your home, how household chores will be divided, and what household rules must be followed. Some families find it best to write all of this down in the form of a contract. One other expectation is the importance of treating one another with love and respect. Just as our adult children are sinners, so are we, and when people live under the same roof, friction can occur. It would be valuable to discuss what it means to respect one another and establish guidelines about how to handle disappointments and disagreements. If all of this seems daunting, don't forget that God wants to come alongside and help you. Remember to ask God for wisdom as He instructs in James 1:5. He promises to give it generously.
2. Nurture and care for your marriage.
Having your adult children live with you can be stressful. You don't have as much opportunity to be alone with your spouse, and you may have different expectations. In some marriages, the wife wants to know where the child is and when he or she will be home, and the husband could care less, recognizing that he or she is an adult. In other cases, one spouse wants to help the child financially and the other does not. No matter what is going on between you and your adult child, make time for your spouse. Go on dates and do things together that you both enjoy. Make it a priority to find some time each week to eat a meal together ... just the two of you. Verbally remind each other that you are committed to the marriage relationship first and foremost. You are still in this journey of life and marriage and parenting together!
3. Don't neglect your spiritual life.
It can be tempting to fall into the mode of doing what has to be done and then failing to see that God has allowed this experience in your life and He wants to come alongside you and take you to a new place with Him. Many of the verses you have read and clung to over the years of your spiritual journey can take on a fresh and deeper meaning at this time in your life. One mother I talked to, who had experienced both her adult son and adult daughter moving back home, held onto familiar verses such as Proverbs 3:5-6, Psalm 121, and Philippians 4:13. Another dad told me that James 1:19 became more relevant as he sought to practice being quick to hear and slow to speak.
4. Talk to others.
According to Pew Research Center (pewsocialtrends.org), a record 36 percent of adults ages 18 to 31 lived at home with their parents in 2012. Chances are, it is happening among people in your church and community, and yet it seems no one is talking about it. Embarrassment and guilt keep parents from opening their hearts, and yet we need to go to one another for prayer and support. One woman said that because of the strain of having her daughter's family live with her and her husband, she found herself spending more time at work and even just sitting in her car because it was too stressful to go home. Whether in your Sunday School class, in your Bible study group, or with a trusted friend, take the risk and open up about this topic. How do you feel? How is it affecting your marriage? Ask others to pray for you, and let them come alongside you (Gal. 6:2).
5. Look for the blessings.
Remember the words to the old hymn, "Count your blessings, name them one by one; count your blessings, see what God hath done." During times of difficulty, it can be hard to do this, but it is so beneficial. Sometimes on my worst days, with my jaw clenched, I will firmly write the word gratitude across a piece of paper and start listing things, even seemingly insignificant things, so I can see all I have to be thankful for.
Parents have told me they have enjoyed developing an adult friendship with their son or daughter and sharing in their daily joys and struggles. One parent wrote that her adult son brought more fun into the home because he would turn off the television and encourage them to play a board game. So take time to look for the blessings, and ask God to help you enjoy this unexpected season in your life!
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This article is courtesy of Mature Living Magazine.