It was only the fourth week of school when my daughter burst into the room and made an announcement.
“Mommy! Someone asked me on a date! He put a note in my locker inviting me to the sixth-grade dance!”
My heart skipped a few beats, and within a matter of seconds, every ounce of confidence in my abilities to mother four girls left my body. I felt totally unprepared and in shock.
Realizing that this moment demanded my full attention, I stopped what I was doing, turned around, and stood eye to eye with my beautiful 10-year-old daughter. This was new territory for us both, and I could tell from the look in her eyes that she knew even less than I did about how to handle it.
A Scary Talk with My 10-Year-Old
On the inside I was full of anxiety, fear and questions. Who? How? When? What? However, I decided to stay calm and listen as she said a mouthful.
She continued, “I crumbled the note up and told him no way! Ew! Then he said I was mean, but there is no way I am going out with him!”
My head was spinning. There were so many pieces of this conversation that needed to be addressed, and I simply did not even know where to start. Then I had a realization. Through my nervous laughter, I uttered these words, “Oh wow! Can fifth graders attend the sixth grade dance?”
Thankfully, it did not take long for us to discover that the sixth grade dance is for sixth graders only—imagine that! However, we both realized that this invitation, although premature, was the first of more to come. Dating, or at least the invitations, would be a part of her future, and we needed a plan for how to handle them.
How to Talk About Dating
If you were to ask me, as her mother, I would say 10 years old is too young for a first date. But no one asked me. He asked her. And there we stood eye-to-eye discussing it.
Dating.
How can I prepare my baby girl for a world that I’d prefer she never enter? How can I teach her the importance of being kind and gentle with her response even when it is a no? What boundaries do we need to set, and how will I know when or if she is ready? As parents of budding preteens, how or when do we even begin the conversation?
I believe it is always best to start at the beginning—God’s Word. I want my children to know and understand God’s view on every situation and decision they face, including dating.
It is completely normal for preteens to be curious about dating, love and marriage, and then want to talk about it. As their parents, it is our responsibility to create an environment where they feel free to talk about it with us. Guide your ongoing conversations about dating and relationships with these tips. (Also Read: 1 Simple Question that Will Make Your Marriage Better)
1. Ask questions.
As parents, we will ask questions.
Asking questions will help you understand your child’s thoughts and limit any assumptions that can cause worry or fear. Open communication also alleviates any pressure your child may feel and helps her to feel secure in her relationship with you.
Consider asking the following questions:
What do you think it means to date?
Do you want to go on a date? Why or why not?
What are ways you can honor God while on a date?
2. Set clear boundaries and high expectations for your family.
If we are not careful, friends, teachers and favorite TV shows will play a part in developing our children’s view. We have to remind them that although they may have the freedom to do what others are doing, it does not mean that it is good or wise for them to do personally. Encourage your child to seek God’s will for his life, specifically, and challenge him to rise to God’s standard.
Everything is permissible, but not everything is helpful. Everything is permissible, but not everything builds up.
1 Corinthians 10:23
3. Create a visual for dating.
There is a correct way to date.
Our society offers many definitions for love and relationships. Though people have varying degrees of interpretation on biblical dating, God’s Word gives us a clear explanation of how we are to treat each other as His children. We must remind our children that our job is to show honor, respect, and God’s love to our peers whether on a date or in a classroom. Our sons should put their “sisters in Christ” first and respect and honor them. And our daughters should put their “brothers in Christ” first and respect and honor them in the same way.
Show family affection to one another with brotherly love. Outdo one another in showing honor.
Romans 12:10
4. Encourage your child to pursue God's best.
The Bible tells us to train our children, which requires instruction, correction and direction: "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up as you are already doing" (1 Thessalonians 5:11).
But it also requires encouragement. If we push down rules without encouraging them along the way, we definitely can create a standard, but we do not necessarily capture their hearts, so make sure to encourage your child and build her up, even in regard to the dating standard you set in your home. Help her understand the guidelines you put in place, and encourage her in her pursuit of God’s best for her life and future.
As my daughter and I discussed the note, her thoughts, and her response, I reminded her of 1 Corinthians 10:31:
“Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything for God’s glory.”
This verse is the foundation for our actions, and from here we continue to build a path that honors Him.
Article courtesy of Parent Life magazine.