We've all visited a perfect home. The furniture's luxurious, the food's divine, the guest soap is monogrammed, and the hand-crafted decorations might make Martha Stewart slightly jealous. These super hosts always provide a pleasant time and a yummy meal, but they make the rest of us feel a little insecure — especially when we return to our real-life, lived-in homes. Our furniture is eclectic, our fridges are stocked with instant dinners, the only carving etched on our soap is "D" for Dial, and we haven't crafted a single thing we've pinned on Pinterest.
For these super hosts, entertaining others comes as naturally as breathing. Kathy Chapman Sharp, an author and a communications specialist, says, "Some folks have a natural talent for making guests feel special. Some Christians possess hospitality as a spiritual gift." But what about the rest of us? Should we hospitality-challenged believers bolt our doors and leave the big gigs to the entertaining-inclined?
Move Over, Martha
In order to understand the spiritual gift of hospitality, it helps first to know what hospitality isn't. It's not entertaining, which allows many of us to breathe a huge sigh of relief. "You may not feel you're gifted or talented in the area of hospitality. It doesn't matter. God wants to use you, but He doesn't require you to change who you are," Jane Jarrell, author of Simple Hospitality, says. Sadly, we've learned to place high value on entertaining and little emphasis on hospitality. But there's a huge difference.
Entertaining is an elaborate host-centered spectacle where visitors are invited to admire the hosts' fine things and accomplished skills. Biblical hospitality, on the other hand, has nothing to do with potpourri or appetizers and everything to do with putting others first. Hospitality focuses on serving, encouraging, and giving value to others. In Christ we have the ability to love the unlovable. Whether we realize it or not, hospitality permeates our spiritual DNA. Though we may not excel at entertaining, every believer can show hospitality to others. We just need to recognize the difference between true hospitality and its cheap, exaggerated imitation.
Anticipate the Need
Unlike entertaining, hospitality isn't limited to a mansion full of expensive things. Spiritual hospitality happens as an overflow of a relationship with God.
In Isaiah 58:7 and Matthew 25:34-46, God provides the concepts that surround hospitality: sharing, inviting, providing, and being. Thankfully, God didn't mention anything about throw pillows, cookware, and expensive furniture. Hospitality is less about what we do and more about who we are. As believers, we should make others feel at ease in our presence. We spot the needs of others before they're mentioned and lower ourselves in order to build others up.
As believers, we should make others feel at ease in our presence. We spot the needs of others before they're mentioned and lower ourselves in order to build others up.
Karen Mains, author of Open Heart, Open Home, explains that sometimes hospitality is as simple as greeting others in a warm manner. "No business should supersede a smile that conveys, 'So good to have you here'," Mains shares. "We can give great healing if we do nothing more than say, 'How glad I am to see you.' Simply by acknowledging others at work, church, and your neighborhood, you're practicing a kind of hospitality that baffles the world."
Hospitality can saturate every area of our lives in Christ. The closer we walk with God, the more He cultivates in us a servant's spirit that magnetizes others. Hospitality goes beyond surface politeness to genuinely see others. It's allowing ourselves to be interrupted and inconvenienced. Sometimes it's simply silencing our own voices to listen to a hurting person.
Get Real
Our culture is all about building an image. The perception is that the smarter, richer, and more talented we are, the more people will like us. Presenting an image of ourselves that simply isn't true can be tempting. Spotless floors and perfect meals sometimes cover up messy lives and strained relationships. In contrast, hospitality invites others to be real by first setting the example of openness. As Christians, we don't have to boast perfection in any area of our lives. We're free to be honest and vulnerable, admitting our weaknesses and depending on Christ.
"Don't stress over making your home look spotless or people will be afraid to even place a glass on your coffee table," Meredith Teasley, a kids' ministry leader in Nashville, Tennessee, suggests. "Your guests will know if you've overdone it, or if you aren't being yourself." Actually, a home that looks "lived-in" makes others feel more comfortable. Likewise, the life that doesn't pretend to have it all together invites others to open up about their own struggles. This is hospitality at its finest.
Be Inclusive
Another big difference between spiritual hospitality and secular entertaining is who's invited. Hospitality extends friendship to people of all races, lifestyles, economic situations, and beliefs. Anyone can throw a great party, cook fancy food, and decorate lavishly, but following Christ means we go after the people society forgets, including the poor, sick, and lonely. Jesus lived the perfect example of hospitality by pouring Himself out to the hurting. Even today He invites us to know Him no matter where we've been or how we've messed up.
In Christ we look beyond the outside image to a life that needs healing. "[Hospitality] is about practicing servanthood right in the middle of your practical Christianity," Sharp shares. "We have the opportunity to touch lives in an intimate, personal way." That's something everyone can do, regardless of their gifts. Entertaining is exclusive. Hospitality connects.
Come On In
Hospitality is all about having a spiritual heart, but it also can involve opening our homes. Whether we live in an apartment or house, eat off china or Chinet®, our homes can be a place of warmth and inclusion. It's the perfect environment for allowing God to cultivate a heart toward others.
No matter our spiritual gifts, we can welcome others into our homes and into our lives. Hospitality is the essence of a life serving God. In a cold and inhospitable world, a caring person becomes an oasis of encouragement and companionship. By following the example of Christ, we can move beyond appearances to invite others into an open home and an open life.
This article originally appeared in HomeLife Magazine.