Have you ever found yourself a little pessimistic about your marriage lasting a lifetime since roughly two-thirds of stepcouples divorce?

Have you found yourself back on your heels when talking with a non-believer about Christian marriage because what right do we have to talk about what's right or wrong about divorce when Christians divorce at the same rate as non-Christians? Or perhaps you're currently living with someone, apprehensive to take the plunge into marriage because the risk of divorce is just too high. Boy, do I have good news for you.

The Bad News About the Bad News

The societal consciousness about marriage in America is that half of all marriages end in divorce and that two-thirds of stepfamily couples divorce. You've heard the second one from me. It turns out that we were wrong and that the pessimism that currently exists about the institution of marriage is misguided.

In May 2014, Shaunti Feldhahn and Tally Whitehead released a stunning book about the marital divorce rates in America. Entitled The Good News About Marriage, the book presents a thorough and comprehensive examination of how divorce rates are calculated and ultimately challenges the societal assumptions we make about marriage based on those rates. The book's conclusions aren't without controversy in the academic and marriage ministry world, but we shouldn't ignore the overall "good news" offered in the book:

  • While the projected divorce rate (the risk of divorce over someone's lifetime) has been reported to be around 50 percent, the current divorce rate (those already divorced at any given point in time) has never actually hit 50 percent. In other words, our predictions are worse than reality.

  • Estimates of the current divorce rate for first marriages are only 20-25 percent, for all marriages is 31 percent, and for remarriages 34 percent. The blended family divorce rate is difficult to calculate because we have such little research. Based on data presented in the The Good News About Marriage, I now estimate the current divorce rate to be 45-50 percent and the projected rate to be 50-60 percent (far below the two-thirds or higher rate I previously reported).

  • Christian couples (i.e., those who practice their beliefs and attend church regularly) don't divorce at the same rate as non-Christians. Numerous studies point to a rate of 15-20 percent.

  • Most couples are happy. About 80 percent of couples report being "somewhat to very happy."1 We wish the divorce rate was zero. But a divorce rate of around one-third is better than half. The bad news about the bad news about marriage is that it's wrong. The bad news is good news.

The Good News for Your Marriage

Academics love playing with new numbers, but what's the implication of this good news for you? First, adjust your level of fear or intimidation about having a successful marriage. Living in fear of another breakup or becoming another statistic leads couples to do things that make their marriage more vulnerable. Instead, live withconfidence. Love, laugh, and face the future with optimism.

Secondly, don't let people put you back on your heels because you're a Christian. Let's get up on our toes. Those who live the gospel within their marriage and family are happier and healthier than those who don't. We have nothing to be ashamed of. Plus, since one purpose of marriage is to tell the truth about God, your marriage is a living testimony to God's love. Use your marital optimism as a beacon of hope to friends, neighbors, and co-workers. You have something they want, and you can tell them how, through Christ, to get it.

Lastly, encourage couples to stick it out. The research clearly finds that stepcouples who stay together beyond five years have a much lower divorce rate. I've said for years in this article series and all of my books that the first five to seven years are the most challenging on average for stepfamilies. Encourage your friends to find answers to their dilemmas and not give up too quickly because they'll be glad in just a few years that they didn't. Their children will be blessed accordingly.

Marriage is God's gift to us. It's time we reclaim the territory and the gift.

1 All stats are taken from Shaunti Feldhahn and Tally Whitehead, The Good News About Marriage, Colorado Springs, CO: Multnomah, 2014.

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This article is courtesy of HomeLife Magazine.