Growing in Wisdom Through Relationships

This is an excerpt from Proverbs Bible Study by Vance Pitman.

God uses our generosity to bring us the great things He has in store. That’s a valuable piece of wisdom, but don’t miss the greater reality. Our generosity, like every other wise behavior God calls us to, is not the origin of greatness in life. The starting point of greatness in life, the finishing point, and every point in between, is God’s generosity to us in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Greatness, then, isn’t about any wise thing we do, in and of ourselves. It is about being connected to the Giver of all wisdom. It is a lifestyle defined by intimate connection to Jesus and other people who are also connected to Jesus. We need the generous gifts of God’s Word and God’s people to grow in wisdom. God speaks wisdom to us through His Word and also through relationships with others. As we listen and put that wisdom into practice, He opens the door to move us from a good life to a great life where we receive the matchless blessing of participating in God’s kingdom purposes.

There are many verses in Proverbs that instruct us about the wisdom we need in our words. In chapter 10, for instance, we read several verses that teach us to talk less and listen more so that we might receive correction and store up wisdom. Here in chapter 15, there are numerous other verses that specifically address our speech. Verses 1 and 18 remind us that the delivery of our words can either cause anger or turn it away. Verses 2, 7, and 14 explain that the way we communicate can either invite discussion and knowledge or impart ignorance.

Verses 4 and 23 teach us that our words can either encourage someone or break his or her spirit altogether. And verse 28 warns that we can either think and carefully speak words of righteousness or we can blurt out wickedness. Besides the fact that our words matter and have great effect, we can sum up the wisdom of this instruction about words in this way—what we say is no less important than the way we say it. The nuances of communication are vast! We’ve all misinterpreted the heart of an email, text message, or social media post or had our words misinterpreted by someone else. Even in face-to-face conversations, we need to show wisdom in the way we speak. Our body language, expressions, tone, and timing all communicate a message that either invigorates the message of our actual words, confuses them, or diminishes them entirely. If we want to walk in wisdom, then, we must invite God to help us give careful attention to our words and how we communicate them.

Proverbs 17:1 makes it clear that the effects of peace and conflict in a person’s life are a very big deal. So big, in fact, that it would be better to eat the leftover stale crust of an old, already eaten sandwich for dinner than to have an all-you-can-eat buffet if it means the difference between peace and conflict. That doesn’t mean that we should all just “live and let live,” as the saying goes. The wisdom we read in God’s Word is never void of truth. Notice how the wise pursuit of peace and reconciliation is described throughout chapter 17. It isn’t about accepting all behaviors; it’s about accepting behaviors that love God and people—at all times.

Pursuers of peace don’t give attention to malicious and destructive words that insult people and celebrate their adversity (vv. 4-5). They don’t go around talking about what someone did wrong; they choose to forgive so they can move past it (v. 9). They don’t look to start conflicts; they look to end them (v. 14). They don’t love to take digs at someone else’s expense; they love to step up to support someone in trouble (vv. 17,19). They don’t quickly comment on everything they hear; they take time to listen and process before speaking (vv. 27-28). Based on these principles, we must consider whether or not we are pursuing peace and reconciliation in our relationships. The effects of that answer are powerful and far-reaching. And in any relationship where conflict currently thrives, now is the perfect time to begin pursuing peace and reconciliation, instead.