EDITOR'S NOTE: If you'd like practical tips on marriage, see the links at the end of this article.
It's difficult to end any relationship. Whether a friendship or a dating relationship (for more information on discerning the two, check out the links at the end of the article), the departure will most likely be a tough journey.
If you're not sure whether to call it quits, you have a few advisors: your heart, your friends and God.
But ultimately, you have to decide whether or not to continue a relationship. Here are five signs of when to call it quits in a relationship.
1. Your Goals Don't Mesh
You want to spend the rest of your life sipping no-foam lattes and ordering from the J. Crew catalog every Saturday morning with the love of your life. And your boyfriend dreams of moving to a developing nation to serve in an orphanage.
If two otherwise great people are moving in opposite directions and neither feels called to change agendas, then it really doesn't matter how compatible your coffee drinks are. You won't be growing together, and this will be a constant source of tension.
2. The Laughter Dies
Most people recognize a desire for "someone with a sense of humor." Life can be tough, and it's nice to have someone who cracks you up every now and then.
"Maybe it sounds a little shallow to say that laughter is a deal-breaker, but I don't think it is shallow really," says Kate Collins from Jackson, Mississippi.
She was in a relationship where her boyfriend didn't share the same sense of humor, and it ultimately brought attention to the fact that they didn't see the world the same way.
"Sometimes he couldn't laugh at himself which was also a problem," Collins said. "If you can't laugh together through the hard stuff now then that's going to make for a pretty gloomy life years down the road."
The bottom line: If laughter really is the best medicine, then a laugh-less relationship can be a real downer.
3. The Relationship Causes More Stress Than Joy
A little friction isn't so bad. It's actually the normal by-product of accommodating someone new in your life, regardless if this is a romantic relationship or a friendship, says Jan Harvey, a therapist specializing in pre-engagement.
According to Harvey, when a pattern of stress occurs, something is wrong with the relationship and it may be an indicator of when to call it quits.
"Sometimes our bodies let us know quicker than our minds when we're under stress—headaches, stomach problems, muscle tightness," Harvey said.
The key is to talk about a problem as it's forming and then discuss the solution. "My theory is that the leading cause of divorce in this country is the persistent avoidance of conflict between partners," Harvey said. "If you learn to do anything before you marry, learn how to resolve conflict in a healthy way. If you date a person who refuses to deal with problems as they arise and refuses to learn how—run."
4. When to Call It Quits: You're Complete Opposites
"I like it quiet … And I love to shout … But when we get together, it just all works out," Paula Abdul sings (um, sang).
Pop stars are right. Opposites do attract. We are attracted to those who are good at what we aren't good at. What Xbox-addicted guy doesn't want to find a woman who's a great mechanic? What sloppy woman doesn't want to find a man who's Windex-happy?
"It is, of course, easier if you have similar personality types, but the ability to be adaptable is crucial if you are opposites," Harvey said. "Creativity and flexibility are vital in resolving differences, and opposites will need to have lots of both."
If neither one likes the idea of give and take in a relationship, it might be time to break it off. Pop stars—like dinosaurs—find themselves extinct when they can't adapt to change. And so does a healthy relationship.
5. You Don't Connect Spiritually
At a fancy restaurant, you don't want your date sneezing on your filet mignon and then borrowing your cloth napkin to blow her nose. It's definitely a mood-killer. But spiritual wheezing can be even more unhealthy.
You head to church most every Sunday; she sleeps in most every Sunday.
You love discussing certain passages of Scripture; he'd rather discuss the latest article in Sports Illustrated.
You're growing in your understanding of God's grace; she insists it's all about earning your way.
If you can't worship together and feel uncomfortable talking about God's hand in your life, take a hard look at your relationship. Second Corinthians 6:14 reminds us not to be mismatched with unbelievers. But even beyond dating someone who shares your faith, getting on the same page when your Bibles are open may be the most important factor in determining if the two of you could ever live happily ever after.