Sermon series: Extraordinary Relationships

  1. The Need for Relationships - 1 Thess. 2


2. Just the Three of Us - Colossians 3

3. What Do People See in You? - 1 Peter 2

4. Joseph: Stamped with Integrity - Genesis 41

Scriptures: Colossians 3

Introduction

Years ago Bill Withers wrote a popular love song titled "Just the Two of Us." While the song is rich in romantic themes, the truth is that a successful marriage requires the efforts of three people -- not two. Who are the three and how do they make the marriage work?

As the Master Designer, God sketched the original idea marriage on a canvas with three figures in the frame:

I. A submissive wife (v. 18)

"Wives, be submissive to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord." Biblical submission is...

A. An exercise of choice

"Be submissive" refers to an action a wife chooses to perform. Though the statement is an imperative, the woman voluntarily yields to her husband's leadership. This is not a call to endure savage abuse, but to embrace an understanding of her husband's role as the responsible head of the home.

B. An exercise of faith

In Ephesians 5:22, Paul adds that a wife should submit to her husband "as to the Lord." A submissive wife is trusting in Christ's care and sovereignty over her life and home.

C. An exercise of influence

In 1 Peter 3:1-2, Peter adds the idea that a wife's submission has a life-changing influence over her husband. Her actions are more influential than her words.

D. An exercise of beauty

In 1 Peter 3:3-6, Peter also describes the superiority of inner beauty, which is directly linked to a wife's submission displayed through a "gentle and quiet spirit."

II. A loving husband (v. 19)

"Husbands, love your wives and don't become bitter against them." The word love (lit. agape) describes a husband who...

Elevates His Spouse's Needs - Accepting the role of a servant, a Christlike husband places his wife's needs ahead of his own.

Establishes Spiritual Priorities - Accepting the role of spiritual headship (Eph. 5:23), a husband sets out to nurture the spiritual life of his bride through prayer and the Scriptures.

Exercises Self-Control - Accepting his wife as she is, a husband guards and measures his words to her. The word bitter refers to a sharp taste. By implication it can refer to a hurtful statement or piercing inquiry (For example, "You did what?").

III. A living Savior (vv. 16-17)

"Let the message about the Messiah dwell richly among you, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, and singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him."

Verses 16-17 precede the directions for wives and husbands (vv. 18-19). We will not enjoy marriage as God intends apart from an abundant, overflowing relationship with Jesus Christ. His words in us should color all of our relationships and explode in worship. Without Christ, a marriage will be in danger of running aground on the rocky shores of selfishness.

Conclusion

"Just the Two of Us" is a great song for expressing romantic love, but it turns out to be a poor approach to marriage. Marriage as God intends will enthrone Jesus Christ as Lord of the relationship.

Illustration thumbnails

Being too good to your wife?

My father-in-law has been an astute observer of his wife for years. He used to tell me, "You know, you can be too good to a woman." I love the line, but my wife disagrees (and rightfully so!). All husbands should be guilty of being "too good" to their wives.

A sharp comment

It was the wrong thing to say. My wife and I were arguing after she commented that she did not like an in-depth news magazine I was reading. I returned the favor by saying some negative things about a women's magazine she enjoyed. As the "discussion" escalated, I suggested that she could only read material that had been "dumbed down." We can laugh about it now, but I still regret the hurt caused by the remark.

Climbing mountains together

Phil and Susan Ershler recently completed a 10-year goal of climbing the seven highest mountains in the world - together. Beginning with Mt. Kilimanjaro in 1992, Phil and Susan completed subsequent ascents, finishing with Mt. Everest on May 16, 2002. Although at least one other couple has completed all seven climbs, the Ershlers are the first to complete all seven ascents together as a married couple. In successful marriages, too, partners climb successive peaks - together. ("International Mountain Guides Everest 2002 Expedition," EverestNews.com [online], 16 May 2002 [cited 30 July 2002]. Available from the Internet: www.k2news.com.)

Application ideas for life stages or situations

Be sensitive and alert

To the disappointed, disillusioned, or divorced ones - When preaching on the principle ingredients of God's design for marriage, carefully include persons with failed or difficult marriages. Often they are listening for words of condemnation. Help them understand that of all people, they can understand and value God's standard, knowing first-hand the effects when one or both parties reject God's ideal for marriage.

To the defensive ones - Some men will be quick to excuse themselves from the role of spiritual leader or servant-lover of their wives. Some wives will reject the biblical concept of submission, viewing it as personally demeaning and a threat to their personal desires. In contrast, God calls couples to pursue a oneness of spirit. Though you cannot answer or anticipate every objection to the biblical teaching, you would be wise to communicate these truths using stories, humor, or drama. Get around the internal defenses with an attitude of warmth and a spirit of gentleness.

Don Pucik is the Associate Executive Director of the Arkansas Baptist Convention and former editor of the Pastors Today Newsletter. Serving churches in Mississippi, California and Louisiana for over 20 years, he and his wife Gail now live in Arkansas with their six children. Don maintains a ministry of consulting and encouragement to pastors through EquippingSaints.com.