Whenever my husband or I tell people in our town that we don't have any family nearby, most give us the same stricken, sad look. Many of our friends were born and raised here, but we are transplants from other states. My husband's parents live about five hours away in North Carolina; mine are an 11-hour drive up Interstate 81 in Pennsylvania. And those driving times don't include stops for screaming babies, toilet-training toddlers, or little legs that need to stretch.
The distance feels even further at Christmas, when families are huddled together everywhere you look. Every year we have to make a choice whether to spend a frantic holiday with one set of parents or the other or stay home with our children. Guilt abounds either way, it seems.
Staying connected
In Fiddler on the Roof, Tevye declares, "How do we keep our balance? That I can tell you in one word: tradition." Traditions are often the glue that holds the holidays together and keeps one feeling warm and fuzzy throughout the season. Whether it be opening the doors on an Advent calendar, reading a certain passage of Scripture in the days leading up to Dec. 25, or simply baking a certain kind of Christmas cookie, Christmas might not feel quite so Christmasy without these events.
Arrange with your child's grandparents to do some of the same traditions on the same days. Decide to decorate Christmas cookies, go caroling, and put up the tree on three days in December. After each event, your child can talk to his grandparents on the phone or by video chat and compare their days. It will almost be as if you did these things together!
The age of technology
Speaking of video chatting, I find it to be a key to sustaining a great relationship with long-distance relatives. Toddlers that might be difficult to understand are easier to interpret over video. Small children will be able to recognize their grandparents even after not seeing them in person for long periods of time. And at Christmas, it's truly a "gift" to allow family to see you opening presents from them and letting children say thank you face-to-pixelated-face. SkypeTM (skype.com) is a free service for doing video chat, and all you need is a webcam on both ends.
Let it be
It's OK to grieve about not being with your family over the holidays, but it can be a wonderful time to spend together as a family and establish your own traditions. Maybe you could invite widows from your church over for a special meal or take candy canes to the pediatric ward of the hospital. Reinforce with your child that what truly matters is celebrating the birth of the Savior.
Age-appropriate ideas
Toddlers and preschoolers:
Put your child's handprint on a ceramic or ball ornament and mail to grandparents.
Bake a cookie recipe from a grandparent or great-grandparent, then talk about your memories of that person.
Create a scrapbook of your holiday season to give to grandparents in January.
School-age kds:
Ask grandparents to write letters with memories of Christmases when they were children. Let your child reciprocate with memoirs of her own.
Let your child plan a special holiday menu with her grandparents, then make the menu in both homes on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.
Plan and perform a family Nativity pageant. Record on a video camera and send to grandparents on DVD.
This article is courtesy of ParentLife magazine.