I have a confession: I'm a fake.
I thought I was doing everything right. I played in the worship band. I led Bible study. If an activity was a part of our church's DNA, then I was probably involved with it.
But my eyes were opened one night at a restaurant after service. It was just four of us at the table. My pastor prayed over the meal like normal, but during the prayer he spoke specifically about me. He began to thank God for me. I opened my eyes and watched him mouth the word "authentic."
He said I was authentic. Was something wrong with the word or was something wrong with me? Deep down, I knew the answer. He said the word so many times in the prayer that it began to irk me physically.
After returning home, I spent a few hours lying in bed watching my ceiling fan in slow rotation. It was probably the first time I'd ever communicated clearly with God. It was the first time I was honest with myself and with Him. Where did I go wrong? Did I have everyone fooled, including myself?
Looking back at my life as a Christ follower, I discovered that my version of "authentic" was calculated, like a role in a Broadway play with markers on the floor and cues for action. There was no way to avoid the truth: I was a fake Christian.
It wasn't until a few days later that I found solace in Scripture. I rediscovered stories of God chasing after and choosing to love people like me.
This is where I began my pursuit of authenticity. It felt like starting over — the gradual surrender of control. And I'm still learning what it all means. In this pursuit however, God has revealed truths about walking with Him authentically that have changed my life forever.
Authenticity is Selfless
Want to know what I really cared about before I began this pursuit of authenticity?
1. Other people's perceptions of me.
2. What kind of car I drove.
3. How my hair looked.
4. God.
How do I know? These were the things that occupied my mind the most. I was going about life in all the wrong ways. All of my concerns were self-centered and short sighted. But Scripture says to live another way. Take for example when Jesus called Peter "Satan" and a "stumbling block" in Matthew 16:21-28. In this conversation, Peter was only concerned about his agenda for Jesus, hence the verbal kick in the pants that quickly followed. After reading this story I felt like those words were meant for me. Ouch.
How many times had I tried to make God fit within my agenda? How often did I make my plans more important than God's? I deserved a swift, verbal kick in the pants. Jesus made it clear in this passage that what truly matters are the concerns of God. But what are those? The four-part answer found in this passage is: deny yourself, take up your cross, follow Jesus, and give up your life for Him.
In short, I learned to give my entire life to God, not just the scraps. With this new mindset, I made a new list and found ways to devote those things to Him. To this day, it hangs in my bathroom as a reminder. I've learned to look at each line as a gift and a sacrifice — a complete dedication to Him.
It's not about my agenda anymore. It's about how I can sacrifice my temporary concerns in order to emulate Jesus every day.
Authenticity Takes Time
How are relationships formed these days? For me, it's pretty easy. I log on to Facebook, scroll through friend requests, take a few glances through pictures, and voila: mouse clicked, friendship formed.
If only authenticity were that easy. Unfortunately, all of the perks of modern-day instant gratification expire when God enters the equation. The development of this relationship and the human character doesn't happen within the split second of a mouse click. It requires ups and downs, listening, tears, joy, and most of all-time.
In Exodus 2, Moses decided to take his destiny into his own hands. He killed an Egyptian slave master, which forced him into the wilderness for 40 years.
Forty years is hard to imagine, but I believe that God chose to keep Moses in the desert in order to prepare him for the road ahead, e.g., another 40 years of wandering the desert, leading the Israelites. There was also character development during this time. I'm sure he had to swallow his pride. After all, he went from being the prince of Egypt to a shepherd nobody.
When I applied this to my life I realized that somewhere along the way I forgot to embrace my time with God. More importantly, I forgot to embrace my "shepherd moments."
I forgot to look around and assess what God was really teaching me. Sometimes my "desert" was a job that I hated, other times it was a season of loneliness. Unfortunately, I was more focused on escaping the desert instead of digging in and learning why I was brought there in the first place. But God is always faithful. He is always busy developing our character no matter if our setting is desert sands or royal halls. It just takes time.
Authenticity is Tested in Silence
"Why did You let this happen? This doesn't make sense. Are You there?" We've all experienced a situation where we're alone with the depths of our frustration, searching for an explanation. We lash out at God only to be met with overwhelming silence. What does this silence mean?
John 11 records the story of Lazarus, one of Jesus' friends. When Jesus found out that Lazarus was sick, He didn't rush to his house to heal him. Instead, He stayed where he was for two days (John 11:6), and before Jesus arrived in Bethany, Lazarus died.
When Jesus arrived, however, Lazarus' sisters confronted Him about His delay. Later they witnessed first-hand His power when He raised Lazarus from the dead.
As it turns out, silence or a delayed response from God isn't really silence at all. In this pursuit of authenticity, I ask a lot of questions. Some are more urgent than others, but I learned to see the silence as an expression of trust. I also learned to see it as an invitation to know Him better, to keep searching. Even if He seems silent now, it doesn't mean that he won't reveal Himself to you in the future in a miraculous way.
Living in pursuit of authenticity will never be easy. It is frustrating, painful and testing. But it is worth it. The intimacy gained from an authentic walk with God is always worth it, even for a fake like me.
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This article is courtesy of Parenting Teens.