Serving Means Putting Others First

This article originally appeared in Stand Firm Magazine.

Do they still sell frozen bagels? I know fresh bagels are now sold in all types of stores and cafés, but there was a time when the only way you could get a bagel was in the frozen food aisle at the grocery store.

Those were the days when I was in my early 20s and shared a house with three guys. Our schedules were similar as we were involved in the same ministry on a local campus. All four of us were working jobs with a normal 8 a.m. or 8:30 a.m. start time, so we were getting up around the same time and heading out the door pretty early. We were all young men, so we were all hungry in the morning. We actually all seemed to be hungry in the afternoon and evening and even late into the night. You should have seen our food bill.

Back to frozen bagels. I have always been a morning person, and I get up early. In those days, I was usually the first one in the kitchen getting something prepared for breakfast. It was rarely very extravagant; often it was just cereal or toast or maybe a frozen bagel. If I was making toast I would ask my roommate if he would like some, and his answer was always yes. That was no problem for me, and I was happy to prepare him something. It was quick and took very little effort. The problem came when I would toast a bagel. Frozen bagels are cut before being frozen, and they are never cut exactly in half. I guess the slicing machines were faulty or the personnel were not very skilled, or it could just be that the Lord worked all this out for my personal development.

I remember toasting bagels for my roommate Warren and me. I'd put a little peanut butter on each half because we both preferred peanut butter over butter, cream cheese, or jelly. I would place each half of the toasted bagel on a small plate, one for Warren and one for me. Here is where the emotional turmoil would begin. Which half do I take?

I made them both, and Warren is probably still in the shower or having his morning devotions, so it is my choice to make. I toasted and prepared both of these half bagels with peanut butter, and I certainly should have the right to choose which one I wanted. They are both hot and ready to eat, and Warren isn't even in the kitchen, so he isn't part of the choosing process. These bagels are almost exactly the same - but one is slightly bigger than the other. One has a little bit more bagel to it. One is a little plumper and looks a little more fulfilling. I really want that one, and Warren doesn't know about my turmoil and wouldn't care which one I pick. He's just grateful that I took the time to prepare him a delicious toasted bagel.

What should I do?

Did I mention that I was slightly bigger than Warren, and I probably need the bigger half of the bagel since I probably needed more food? I wouldn't share this story if it happened only once. I probably wouldn't share it if it happened only twice, but this exact scenario with toasting the silly frozen bagels happened multiple times, and it was emotional turmoil for me over and over again. I wrestled with the fundamental question of whose interests I should place first. Who gets the bigger half of the bagel?

We must have been studying Philippians as a group because the Lord brought this passage to mind during one of my bagel-toasting episodes: Paul writes, “Do nothing out of rivalry or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves. Everyone should look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others” (Philippians 2:3-4). It was as if Paul wrote this to me about bagel selection, though I am quite sure Paul had not yet been introduced to frozen bagels. I knew from this passage that I needed to give Warren the bigger half of the hot toasted bagel spread with creamy peanut butter. That was clear. God was calling me to place my friend's interests above my own. I was to count him more significant than myself. I would do it.

That was a turning point for me. Each morning I gladly toasted and prepared a bagel half for Warren and for myself, and I intentionally gave him the bigger half. I was dying to myself and yielding to Christ in an area of life where He had my attention. I was putting the interests of another ahead of my own. It was great, and I knew God was pleased with this small step of obedience.

Now, fast-forward 25 years. I am a husband and the father of five children. I still rise early, and I'm still the one in the position most days to prepare breakfast or clean the kitchen before others are stirring. In a family of seven, you want to create an environment where people share responsibilities and lift the load for one another. As a father, you want to train your children to pick up after themselves and pick up after others as well. You want to encourage them not just to set the table for one, but for the entire family - even if they did it the day before and the day before that. As a man in collaboration with my wife, I want to teach and train and encourage and model for our children what it means to put another's interests ahead of your own.

The most important part of this process is modeling what it means to consider the interests of others first. Even now I have days when I would like to let someone else clear the table or have someone else sweep the floor when it is obvious to everyone it needs to be done. Even now there are days when I would like the bigger half of the bagel, but I go back to that passage from Philippians 2, knowing that later in the chapter Paul shares that Jesus is our ultimate model of what it means to put others first.

You and I can become more like Jesus today. Let's humble ourselves, and put the interests of others ahead of our own. Go ahead and give someone the bigger half.