5 Ways to Support Group Members Who Are Struggling Through the Holidays

Christmas is supposed to be “the most wonderful time of the year.” For many people in our Bible study groups, however, it doesn’t feel that way.

The holidays tend to turn up the volume on whatever is already happening in our lives. Joy feels brighter, and time with family can feel especially meaningful. But grief can feel heavier, too. Loneliness becomes harder to ignore. Financial pressure, strained relationships, divorce, illness, caregiving, or an empty chair at the table can make December a month some people simply want to get through.

Someone in your group may be facing the first Christmas without a spouse, parent, child, or close friend. Another person may be trying to navigate a fractured family relationship. A single parent may be quietly wondering how to buy gifts and still pay the bills. Someone else may not be able to explain why the season feels so difficult when everyone around them seems to be celebrating.

As a group leader, you are not expected to fix any of that. Most of it cannot be fixed with a conversation, a casserole, or a well-chosen Bible verse. But your group can make sure people do not walk through the season alone.

Here are five practical ways to care for group members who may be struggling this Christmas.

One of the easiest people to miss during the holidays is the person who begins to disappear.

Maybe a regular member misses two Sundays in a row. A normally talkative person becomes unusually quiet. Someone who usually enjoys group gatherings declines the Christmas dinner without much explanation. Any one of those things may mean nothing. But it may also be a sign that the season is harder for them.

Good shepherding begins with paying attention. Jesus noticed people others passed by. Group leaders can follow His example by watching for those who are slipping toward the edges.

If someone has been absent or unusually quiet, reach out personally. Try not to make the first conversation about attendance. Make it about the person. Instead of leading with, “We missed you at Bible study,” say, “You’ve been on my mind. How are you doing?”

That small change matters. One message focuses on an empty chair. The other focuses on the person who normally sits there.

Take a few minutes this week to look over your group roster and ask, “Who might need some extra attention right now?” Then make the call, send the text, or invite that person to coffee. A simple act of attention can remind someone that he or she hasn’t been forgotten.

There is a lot of pressure to be happy at Christmas. The music is cheerful, the decorations are bright, and nearly every gathering is described as festive. When someone asks, “Are you ready for Christmas?” we all know the expected answer.

But some people are not ready. Some are tired. Some are grieving. Some are doing their best just to make it through the day. Pretending to be joyful can become one more burden to carry.

Your group can be one of the few places where people do not have to perform. That does not mean your Christmas gathering has to become gloomy. Celebrate, laugh, eat together, and enjoy the season. Just leave room for those whose Christmas experience is more complicated.

You might say, “Christmas is a wonderful season, but we also know it can be painful. If this month is hard for you, you do not have to pretend otherwise here.”

Romans 12:15 tells us to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. A healthy group learns to do both, sometimes in the same room on the same night.

When someone tells us he or she is hurting, many of us immediately try to make things better. We offer advice, quote a verse, tell a similar story, or assure the person that God has a plan. Those responses are usually sincere, but they can bring a conversation to an end before the person has had a chance to be heard.

Try asking a few gentle questions instead:

• What has been the hardest part of this season for you?

• Is there a particular part of Christmas you’re dreading?

• What do you wish people understood about what you’re going through?

• How can our group pray for you?

• What would feel helpful right now?

Then listen. Do not hurry to fill every silence or feel responsible for providing a spiritual explanation. Job’s friends may have done their best work when they sat beside him without speaking. Their trouble began when they tried to explain everything.

Sometimes the most helpful response is also the simplest: “I am sorry. That sounds really difficult. Thank you for telling me.”

“Let us know if you need anything” is a kind offer, but it places the responsibility on a person who may already feel overwhelmed. When possible, make your care specific.

If someone has experienced a death, group members might provide a meal or help with a holiday task. If a single parent is stretched financially, the group may be able to help discreetly. If an older adult will be alone, someone could extend an invitation to Christmas lunch. If a member is caring for a sick spouse or parent, offer to pick up groceries, run an errand, or sit with the loved one for an hour.

Keep the help appropriate and private. A person’s hardship should never become the group’s holiday project or public announcement. The goal is simply to communicate through action, “You do not have to carry all of this by yourself.”

Galatians 6:2 calls believers to carry one another’s burdens. So when someone is hurting, don’t only ask, “How can we pray?,” also ask, “What could we do?”

This may be the most important step. When Christmas ends, the struggle usually doesn’t.

The grieving person still wakes up to an empty place. The divorced person is still rebuilding a life. The person receiving treatment is still sick. The family facing financial pressure still has bills. In fact, some people feel more alone in January, after the gatherings end and everyone returns to a normal routine.

Do not let December 25 become the finish line for your group’s care. Put a reminder on your calendar to check in during January. Invite the person to lunch. Send a handwritten note. Continue to pray specifically. If appropriate, remember the anniversary of a loss or another difficult date.

Anybody can express concern in the middle of a crisis. Biblical community keeps showing up after the initial attention has faded.

One of the best gifts your group gives this Christmas may not be wrapped or placed under a tree. It may simply be presence: a friend who notices, a person who listens, and a group that doesn’t require anyone to pretend.

Through the faithful presence of His people, someone who is hurting can be reminded of the presence of Christ, Immanuel, God with us.

Your group may not be able to remove a person’s pain this Christmas. You can, however, make sure no one has to carry it alone.