Married couples relate to church in numerous ways. The spectrum runs from never going to church to being there every time the doors are open; from just soaking up the ambiance pew-side every Sunday to giving an exorbitant amount of time and effort serving on every active committee and a few inactive ones!
Extremes are clearly unhealthy. Yet somewhere in between lies an optimal point for you and your spouse to positively impact your church and provide opportunities for the church to enrich your marriage.
Seek to find those parts of your church where you can experience God together, and watch Him take the spiritual aspect of your relationship to a new level.
The key is balance. Everyone needs a time when he or she connects with God and other believers, a time of learning to grow in knowledge and understanding of God, a time of service to use his or her gifts to support and build up the body of Christ, and a time of going beyond the walls of the church to impact the lives of others. It is a balance of taking in (connect and grow) while giving out (serve and go).
Make wise choices. To discover how best to serve in your church as a married couple, discuss your individual strengths. Sometimes self-examination can be difficult, so help each other identify how each of you might be the most effective in serving your church.
Next comes the tough but all-important part: choosing. Remember the balance thing? You need to limit your service involvement to one or two areas. Over-involvement causes much marital turmoil. More is not better, nor is it more spiritual, especially if it creates havoc in your marriage. The church will not collapse if you limit your service roles. Don't give yourself that much credit! None of us is indispensable.
Another issue is whether you and your mate need to serve together. Bottom line? It's OK to serve in different areas of your church. Your mate may be more effective in one ministry while you are stronger or more passionate about another. However, you do need to worship together as a couple. Too often couples drive to church week after week (perhaps year after year) and never cross paths once they are on the church campus. This distorts relational and spiritual equilibrium. Part of your church involvement needs to be done as a marriage team.
Stand your ground for balance. The church is known as the bride of Christ. How sad and ironic for the bride to be a source of separation for couples because of the completely different church lifestyles couples can develop. Schedules may need to be rearranged. You may need to look the chairperson of the nominating committee in the eye and say, "No, I cannot lead that class because that is the hour my wife and I worship together." As a former chairperson of a church's nominating committee, I'm confident God can raise up another leader for your church. Plus, you'll be providing an opportunity for others to use their gifts in kingdom service.
Life is filled with balancing acts. By all means, be involved in your church. Invest in service to and through your church. You and your mate have each been gifted and skilled by the Lord to glorify Him through His church. But allow the church to also be a place that enriches your marriage.
All of it - the success of your church and your marriage - needs to be done for His glory. Strike the proper balances. Seek to find those parts of your church where you can experience the Lord together, and watch Him take the spiritual aspect of your relationship to a new level.