Discipline and Behavior Issues

The diverse views on discipline often confuse teachers and parents. The following information is intended to assist in deciding how to approach discipline with each individual child.

One way to deal with discipline concerns helping preschoolers think about their actions rather than simply behaving in appropriate ways. The focus is to get them to think about their actions. Connie Kamii suggested the use of sanctions in the book The Preschool in Action: Exploring Early Childhood Programs edited by M. C. Day and R. K. Parker. Sanctions are used instead of rewards or punishment. Most preschoolers have specific reasons for disliking rewards and punishment. Sanctions, however, are designed to help preschoolers think about their actions so they will act in appropriate ways. Four recommended sanctions are: (1) temporary exclusion from the group; (2) calling the child's attention to the consequences of his actions; (3) depriving the child of whatever he has misused; and (4) perhaps the most important—restitution. Restitution means a child must correct that which he has harmed.

Temporary exclusion from the group is not the same thing as time-out. Time-out works like this: if a child does something inappropriate, the child is sent to time-out for five minutes. The adult says, "Go to time-out, and don't come back for five minutes." Temporary exclusion from the group is different. A child is asked to leave the group until he can participate and follow the rules of the group. The child makes the decision when he is able and ready to come back and participate. Of course, this will not work with some children. For example, introverts may be pleased to leave the group and choose never to come back. However, preschoolers who really enjoy being a part of and participating in the group will be more influenced by temporary exclusion.

Calling a child's attention to the consequences of his actions is another sanction. A child who is breaking crayons can be told, "When you break all the crayons, we will not have any more to use." Of course, anyone who has worked with preschoolers will know that some boys and girls will defiantly say, "I don't care." In these cases the third sanction might be used.

Depriving the child of whatever he has abused or misused is a sanction a teacher or parent might apply in this instance. When a child is breaking crayons, a natural consequence is that the child cannot use the crayons. As with all sanctions, the consequences are directly related to the child's actions.

Restitution is perhaps the most important sanction we can use. Restitution means, "making good that which you have harmed." Whether a child intentionally commits a transgression or accidentally hurts someone or damages something, restitution can be a powerful tool to help children think about their actions and the consequences of such actions.

Here is a true story about how restitution can be effective. A four-year-old intentionally knocked down the block structure built by another four-year-old. Obviously, the builder was upset. The teacher said, "Carey, Ben has been working all morning on this building. Why did you knock it down without Ben's permission?" Carey responded that Ben was not taking turns. The teacher said, "Carey, I cannot let you destroy what Ben built. Let's help him rebuild it. Ben, tell us what to do first."

Sometimes restitution is not possible. For example, if one child pushes another one and breaks his arm, how can the child make restitution? The child is not a physician. Even so, there are ways the child can make restitution. For example, the child can be responsible for helping the child with the broken arm. She can run errands for the child with the broken limb, such as taking the child's empty juice cup to the trash can. While exact restitution may not always be possible, the important thing to remember is that if we make a mistake we must do what we can to correct it.

Having older preschoolers come up with their own solutions for restitution is often helpful. This is also helpful for disputes. When preschoolers have an argument, the most likely solution is to tattle. Adults can discourage tattling by telling the boys and girls to solve their own disputes and then come back and tell you what they decided and how they solved the problem.

What do you believe about restitution? What does the Bible say about restitution? (Ex. 22:3; 1 Kings 20:34; 2 Kings 8:6; Neh. 5:10-12; Acts 3:21) Can you think of specific stories in the Bible in which restitution was used? (Luke 19:1-10) Can rewards and punishment be used as well as restitution? If so, how?

In the book Punished by Rewards, Alfie Kohn suggested five reasons rewards are harmful to children: (1) rewards punish; (2) rewards negatively influence relationships; (3) rewards do not consider reasons; (4) rewards discourage appropriate risk-taking; and (5) rewards may make children less interested in activities they naturally enjoy. (For more information see Alfie Kohn, Punished by Rewards [New York; Houghton Mifflin, 1993].)

Rewards punish. How can rewards possibly punish preschoolers—especially when they are designed to do the opposite? For example, some teachers give preschoolers a star on a poster for attendance. However, one child in the group has a shared-custody arrangement with his parents; he can only come when he is with his father. Another has a chronic health problem, and yet another gets to come only when his mother gets off work early. These boys and girls are punished because of situations they cannot control. Further, rewards are like punishment in that both are used to manipulate people into doing what we want them to do.

Rewards negatively influence relationships. Rewards often foster competition and thus damage or destroy cooperative relationships. If only one person can win in a game, every other child is seen as someone to beat.

Rewards also do not consider reasons preschoolers do things. If a child is constantly fighting, parents and teachers might give rewards or administer punishment to change the child's behavior. The problem with this approach is that rewards and punishment do not consider why the child is constantly fighting. When we give rewards, we are not addressing the real issue—why children do the things they do.

Rewards do not encourage appropriate risk-taking. The key word here is appropriate. What, exactly, is appropriate risk-taking? When a child is working for a reward, he may do only what is necessary to get the reward. He stops when he gets the reward. For example, if a child is given a reward for being nice to his friends, he will only go so far as required by the reward. If a child is interested in learning more about relationships, he would probably not take the initiative to try to learn more because he would be focused on getting the stars. Preschoolers are naturally interested in learning, but if we give rewards, we may be discouraging them from digging deeper for fear they might miss a reward. Rewards work, and they work fast; but in the long term, they may do more harm than good.

Rewards may make preschoolers less interested in activities they naturally enjoy. For those children who naturally like to draw or paint, rewards for drawing or painting are discouraging. In one study of preschoolers and rewards, preschoolers (who generally like to play with blocks) were shown two sets of identical blocks in their preschool room. The teacher told the boys and girls that if they played with one set of blocks they would receive a reward. However, they could play with the other set of blocks, but they would not receive any rewards. What do you think happened? They immediately went to play with the blocks for which they would receive rewards. However, after a couple of weeks, the teacher said, "You can now play with either set of blocks, but you will not receive any rewards." Then what happened? The children rarely ever played with the blocks for which they had earlier received rewards. They most often went to play with the other set of blocks. When we reward children for things they naturally like to do, we are sending a message: "This is not fun. You must be rewarded for doing this."

Is that the message you want to send preschoolers at home and church? What does that say about unity and cooperation in the church?