LIVING WITH TEENS
Guys and the Opposite Sex
by Michael Ross
Living With Teens - June 2003
©2002 LifeWay Press
What if girls reject me? What if I turn out to be a FAILURE with the opposite sex? What if...
The questions swarmed Aaron's brain like an army of bloodthirsty mosquitoes, then waged a war in the pit of his stomach. The 16-year-old felt completely tongue-tied around girls-unlike his buddies at school.
"All the other guys have started dating," Aaron told me. "They act totally cool around females. Not me. I turn into 'human Jell-O' just talking to a girl, much less asking her out. I'm afraid of saying dumb things and being rejected."
Then Aaron asked a question that has been echoed by countless boys his age: "Will I ever be confident around girls?"
Aaron felt alone and beat up by his struggles when, in reality, he represents the norm. Not only do most teen guys feel some level of insecurity around girls, but many have given in to three painful myths about dating and relating:
Myth 1: Being "girl-less" means being less of a guy.
Myth 2: Rejection from the opposite sex = social suicide.
Myth 3: Only wimps "turn to Jell-O" around girls.
Dating may be a few years down the road for your son-that is, if it's an option at all. (Some families choose courtship.) Regardless, it's important that you dispel the myths and nurture confidence in your son as he relates to the opposite sex.
Here's how you can help. Encourage him to let God define his self-worth-not the status of having someone to date. Make it clear to your son that, despite what his friends are doing, it's OK to not date. Share two key points:
- "It feels weird to be left out, especially when others seem comfortable, but don't force yourself to do something just to fit in. God wants you to trust His timing."
- "Most guys and girls get a little weak in the knees around the opposite sex. Some are better at disguising their nervousness than others. The key is to relax, and be yourself."
Encourage your son to let God be the source of his strength--especially when he faces rejection. The top fear of most teen boys is rejection from girls. Why? Regardless of race, faith, or economic background, deep in the heart of nearly every young male is the same core desire: To become a man and share his life with a very special woman. To some degree, being rejected chips away at this dream.
While your son will never be "rejection proof," all human relationships involve risk. You can steer him to solid ground. Communicate these time-tested principles:
- "Don't set yourself up for a fall by forcing romantic expectations on every girl you meet. At this stage in your life, focus on friendships with the opposite sex."
- "Make an effort to seek God's will for your life and save yourself for His best. Ask Him to be the author of your dreams -from developing your abilities to finding the right lady."
Michael Ross is editor of Breakaway, Focus on the Family's monthly magazine for teen boys. He is a national youth speaker and stays connected to teens and their needs by co-hosting a radio program for teens with Focus on the Family. He stays actively involved with teens and mission activities.
|
