LIVING WITH TEENS

Teens and Oral Sex

by Walter Mueller for Living With Teenagers
Living With Teens - April 2002
©2001 LifeWay Press

"What's sex?" That's the question curious young children often ask their parents when they first hear the three-letter word. Believe it or not, it's also a question today's parents should be asking their teens. Recent research on the early adolescent population shows that while more kids might be choosing abstinence, evidence suggests that more kids are participating in oral sexual experiences. Fewer and fewer adolescents equate oral sex with "having sex."

How prevalent is oral sex among today's children and teens? The Urban Institute's National Survey of Adolescent Males, (15- to 19-year-old boys) reveals alarming numbers that reflect our culture's increased disregard for a biblical, sexual ethic. Their findings include:

• 55 percent reported engaging in vaginal intercourse;
• 53 percent had been masturbated by a female;
• 49 percent had received oral sex;
• 39 percent had given oral sex to a female; and
• 11 percent had engaged in anal sex.

Since behavior is always an outworking of underlying values and attitudes, it's important to look at why kids are engaging in oral sexual activity. USA Today's Karen Peterson says, "For many teens, oral doesn't count " (USA Today, 16 November 2000).

The biggest reason is that many kids don't think oral sex is sex. Robert Blum, director of the Division of General Pediatrics and Adolescent Health, University of Minnesota, states, "Most younger teens (ages 10 to 12), and maybe most teens, don't define this as sex. Part of the problem is that we define sexual behavior in a very narrow way. We talk about abstinence, but we are never clear what we are abstaining from" (USA Today, 16 November 2000).

As postmodern moral relativism continues to take root and grow in our collective cultural conscience, we should fully expect this trend towards teen oral sexual activity to increase. It's essential that we make a diligent effort to reverse this trend for the sake of the spiritual, physical and emotional health of our teenagers. Here are some strategies to use in response to this growing trend:

1. Teach, model, and celebrate a biblical sexual ethic. The God-given gift of sexuality and sexual intimacy is a wonderful thing when shared by a male and female in marriage.
2. Teach teens that vaginal intercourse is not the only sexual activity to be guarded until marriage. Many kids indicate that they haven't been given any direction about oral sex. Teach kids about all types of inappropriate and sinful premarital sexual activity.
3. Keep our eyes and ears open to know what's happening in today's youth culture.
4. Speak openly about the consequences of oral sex. Yes, oral sex makes one feel used and objectified. Yes, you can contract a sexually transmitted disease, including HIV. And most important, teens engaging in oral sex is a sin issue that must be dealt with and resolved!

Walt Mueller is the president of the Center for Parent/Youth Understanding and author of "Understanding Today's Youth Culture."