TIPS

The Sexual Side of You

by Susan Lanford

Adults rarely reach a place of perfect knowledge in any area of life-including our own growth and development. Reaching adulthood is not like stepping onto a wide, flat plateau that stretches for miles and never changes. We continue to change throughout life, and one area in which we change is in our understanding of our own sexuality.

Married folks need to tend to their sexual needs. After all, a husband and wife, in a loving relationship, are the best instructors in how to grow sexually in marriage. Here are a few reminders to help you be the best example possible:

• Make your bed a haven from the hassles of everyday life. We're all busy people, and few parents have a lot of extra time. As a result, marital sex usually takes place at the end of the day when a husband and wife finally crawl into bed. That's why it's important to protect that time. Don't continue any arguments in bed, and don't try to solve the latest parenting dilemma or plan the next family vacation during intimate times. Protect this time and make it a safe and secure place as your regain a sense of intimacy.
• Remember that growing an intimate marriage is more important and more satisfying than the act of intercourse. God said that the two would become one. That's a wonderful mystery that married couples can explore for the rest of their lives. It involves deep, lasting respect and friendship-something that will last well beyond the momentary thrill of intercourse.
• Marriage gives you more power than any other relationship in your life. You know your spouse better than anyone else in the world. That's a blessing and a curse because that kind of power can be used to build intimacy or to tear it apart. In addition, the act of intercourse itself can be used to edify or to humiliate. (See Paul's words to the Corinthians in 1 Cor. 7:4.)
• Marriage is as much a spiritual union as a physical union. Paul pointed to this principle when he compared marriage and Jesus' relationship to His church (Eph. 5:21-33). Because marriage is spiritual, there will always be a sense of mystery to it. We never figure it all out in our married life because the mystery itself is God's good gift to us. He has provided us with an interesting way to spend a lifetime-experiencing the ups and downs of marriage day by day.
• Most importantly, adopt God's view of sexuality in your marriage and His view of your spouse. If you've never done a systematic study of Scripture to find God's view of marriage and sexuality, plan a time to do just that as a couple. Make a covenant together to identify God's view of sexuality (and each other) through the lens of the Bible. Song of Solomon would be a great place to start: doubts and fears about appearance, the joy of physical attraction, the pain of physical or emotional separation, the thrill of making up. It's all there!

(This article was adapted from "Knowing Who You Are as a Parent" by Susan Lanford, published in Christian Sex Education, compiled by Jimmy Hester. Nashville: LifeWay Press, 1995.)