TIPS

A Special Date

by David Crim

When I answered the phone, the female voice on the other end cried out, "Please help us, David. We don't know what to do." Then she began to sob so uncontrollably that she had to excuse herself and asked if she could call me back after she had gained some composure. About an hour later the phone rang again, and in a trembling voice she told me that her 14-year-old daughter was pregnant.

I invited Judy and her husband to meet Cindy and me at our home where we could talk more and pray together. Judy and Keith accepted my invitation, and we talked and cried for hours. They were ashamed, angry, confused, hurt, and felt guilty for their daughter's actions.

I never would have imagined that Judy and Keith would have to confront this problem. They were stalwarts in our church, and their daughter was a leader in the junior high group. We helped their daughter, at her request, to break her bad news to the youth group a few weeks later. Thankfully, the group and the church were forgiving and supportive. Some months later, a childless couple adopted a beautiful baby girl.

At that time, our daughters were very young. As they grew, I did not forget the heartache that Keith and Judy--and many other parents to whom we ministered--experienced. Cindy and I decided that we would do whatever we could to teach our girls purity. We guarded closely the kinds of movies and television shows we watched (even when the girls weren't around), we avoided sexual innuendoes and jokes in our language, and when they asked questions about sex, we promoted open and honest dialogue with them--and little girls do ask questions.

Some friends of ours--themselves grandparents--told us about a tradition they followed with their four daughters when each celebrated her 13th birthday. We liked the idea so much that we adapted it to our family, adding our own personal touches.

We have two daughters. A week before each daughter's 13th birthday, we sent her an invitation to join her mom and me for a date at a restaurant of her choice. Prior to our date, I contacted a florist and the restaurant and arranged for a bouquet of 13 roses to be placed on our table before we arrived. Cindy and I purchased a birthstone ring for the birthday girl. We also arranged with the restaurant to be seated at a table that allowed us to talk freely with our daughter without fear of someone listening in to our conversation. We wanted the date to be both meaningful and non-threatening. It was very satisfying to see how special our preparations made our daughters feel.

After a good meal and fun talk, I turned our conversation in a new direction. First I, and then my wife, shared with our daughter words of blessing. We told her how special she was to us, how proud of her we were, and how exciting it was to watch her grow into a young woman. We also shared ideas about the kind of future that we prayed that she would enjoy as she continued to mature physically and in her relationship with Christ.

As Cindy shared her words of blessing, I removed from my pocket the beautifully wrapped birthstone ring and placed it in front of our daughter. We invited her to open the gift and I began to share with her that God had given her a beautiful gift, the ability to give and receive love. I explained that there are many ways to give and receive love, but that God loves us so much that He gave us a special way for a husband and wife to love each other-sexual intimacy.

I explained further that, just as her mom and I had waited until just the right moment to give her the birthstone ring, we wanted her to wait until just the right moment to give the gift of sexual intimacy to a man. As our daughter put the ring on her wedding ring finger, I challenged her to obey God's instructions to remain sexually pure, including staying abstinent until she was married. Then we prayed, thanking God for the gift He had given us in our daughter, and asking Him to give her the courage and commitment to remain sexually pure. After we prayed, we suggested to her that she consider her birthstone ring a daily reminder of her commitment to God and us that night.

That was almost 10 years ago. Today our youngest daughter is a freshman in college, and our oldest daughter is almost 23 years old and developing a serious relationship with a young man. If they are to be married, she will be able to give him the best gift he could ever receive from a person. We are grateful to God that by His grace, our family has avoided the kind of heartache that Keith and Judy endured. But we also believe that those two special dates made a difference in the lives of our daughters.