Conference Punctuates Worth, Value Of Single Adults

Written by Andrea Higgins

RIDGECREST, N.C., 9/13/07 -- Too often, churches overlook one of the great unreached populations living right in their midst - single adults.

For that reason, event planner Brenda Atkinson chose "Living in Relationships," as theme for this year’s Singles Labor Day Weekend 2007 at LifeWay Ridgecrest Conference Center in North Carolina.

With so much pressure to be dating or married, keynote speaker David Edwards said the frustration of not having found a mate leads many singles into bad relationships because they think, "What could be worse than being alone?

"If we compromise, we miss the blessing of God," he said, likening the process to Joseph’s refusal to compromise when he was thrown into the dungeon after the false accusations of Potiphar’s wife in Genesis 40.

"Compromise seems like a quick way out, but in the end, it just prolongs the process," he said, noting Joseph might never have discovered the crucial talents that would lead him to triumph in Chapter 41 had he not passed through Chapter 40 with his integrity in tact.

"For every 40, there’s a 41," Edwards said.

That struck a chord with first-time conference participant Dena Wood, a computer programmer from Atlanta.

"If you’re not focused on where God has you now, you’ll miss the blessing God has planned for you, and what God wants you to be," said Wood, 33, who found out about the conference by accident as she was looking up some information for an upcoming missionary reunion at Ridgecrest for her parents.

Wood’s parents, however, are quite familiar with the singles conference. The couple met at the annual retreat in 1969. They were also commissioned as missionaries at Ridgecrest in 1980 before serving 25 years in the Philippines.

"This is definitely a place to build relationships. Not necessarily dating relationships, but with other Christian adults. The workshops are amazing," Wood said.

The model to follow

Atkinson said: "The key word in the phrase single adult is adult. And we’re in good company - Jesus was a single adult."

Yet, she said churches often do a poor job including unmarried members or in laying the foundation for the vital relationships single adults need to have with their church family. By not being sensitive to the single adult, Atkinson said, churches fail to tap into an enormous resource, and single adults become disaffected.

Carol Smith of Wilmington, N.C., said the depth of the workshops on topics ranging from self esteem to abstinence to relationships at work and church service is also what appealed to her.

A U.S. Coast Guard marine science technician, Smith, whose father died in March, was especially impressed with a workshop on giving voice to grief, led by Atkinson, a hospice chaplain. Smith said she is often frustrated with the stereotype that pervades work and church life - that singles don’t mind taking the extra workload or are supposed to be happy all the time - when they deal with the same life issues that couples do.

"Single people are busy - working, cell phone ringing all the time. We want substance. We want continuing education," at such a conference, she said.

There was plenty of that, both for church leadership and single participants, along with hayrides, S’mores, movie night, and lots of lighthearted fun throughout the long weekend.

Realizing worth

Keynote speaker Edwards, whose engaging one-liners punctuated serious Bible study, travels around the country with speaking ministry year-round, empathized with his fellow single Christian adults.

"I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog," Edwards quipped.

He said churches have become the No. 1 place for single adults to get a date these days, and couldn’t resist the opportunity to imagine the cheesy pickup lines used by people who actually view church that way.

"Your name must be Grace because you’re so amazing," he suggested.

All joking aside, he said, "For the first time in history we outnumber married people. [I believe] the next great movement of God is going to happen in single adult ministries," Edwards said, challenging single adults to stop being bystanders waiting for the end of the world. He said they need to focus on what God wants for, and from, their lives instead of what society dictate.

"For too long we’ve bought into this idea that, ‘I’m single. Life is on hold.’ Instead of seeing ourselves as disqualified, we’ve got to see our lives as strategic," Edwards said.

Cynthia Watts, who led workshops in assessing personality profiles to find desired areas of church life, said too often churches don’t involve their single members in service because they don’t find the right fit.

"Sometimes it’s because the leadership doesn’t know how to do it and other times it’s because the single adult doesn’t know where they could serve," said Watts.

"If we are an introvert and task oriented, would outreach be the best place to serve?" she asked ironically. If we’re extroverted and people oriented, would counting money in the back be the best place? This process helps us know ourselves better and get along with our co-workers in the church," which must include everyone and also needs all types of personality types to work properly, she said.

"If we don’t include them, then we will lose them," Watts said.

Atkinson said as a single adult, she is acutely aware when churches are not sensitive to her needs.

"The loneliest time for Christian singles is Sunday after church because it’s such a family time," for example, she said. "This conference is a place they can come once a year and connect with other singles."

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