8 Simple Desires of the Parents of Your Students

Written by Dr. Richard Ross

Parents should be your primary ministry partners, but they sometimes feel neglected, unsure, and in need of your support. While no student minister is an expert at parenting teenagers, there are many things that every student minister can do to build a strong parent ministry. Consider these 8 parent desires from a former student minister who now has become a youth dad.

30 Days: Turning The Hearts Of Parents & Teenagers Toward Each Other

1. Bring all the parents together several times during the year so we can sense your heart and see your direction for our church's student ministry.

We voted to call you and we want to see your work prosper. We will become strong supporters if you will let us know the real you. Let us hear your story and see your warm heart for God. Tell us about your call to ministry and especially your love for teenagers and their parents and leaders.

Tell us you consider us your valued partners. Tell us that most of the time discipleship at church pales in comparison to spiritual instruction in the home. Tell us you value our counsel. Tell us you love fun and creativity, but not when it places our children in unreasonable risk.

Rearing a teenager is one of the hardest assignments in our society, yet most of us are doing it by the seat of our pants. We need you to be the driving force behind ongoing training in parenting. We don't expect you to be the expert and we don't expect you to always be leading out - but we do need you to make sure this gets done.

Bring in counselors, doctors, school officials, and other leaders. Over time, our parenting will improve because of the training you have championed. Our homes will be less stressful, our teenagers will be healthier spiritually and emotionally, and you will spend less time trying to put broken families back together.

3. You are great at communicating spiritual truth to teenagers, so help me do that in our home.

Remind us that God has called us to take primary responsibility for discipling our own kids. Unless we hear that from you, we're tempted to believe that taking our teens to church fulfills our discipling obligation.

Don't forget that I hate looking foolish in front of my teenager. Let me try out some family discussions about faith at church where it is safe. Then I will be more willing to try it at home.

4. Send me full information about major events and trips so I can get my finances in order and build our family calendar around your student ministry plans.

The publicity you do for the teenagers is creative and edgy, just as it should be. But I need lots of practical information about trips and events - lots more information than you put in the student promotions. I need the full cost of trips and events, but also when deposits and partial payments are due. I also need approximate beginning and ending times, transportation plans, and eventually the names of the sponsors. If I know what the event is designed to accomplish, I will likely bend over backwards to get my teenager there.

5. Some of the time, invite my teenager and me to experience student ministry side-by-side.

I know my teenager needs lots of ministry events primarily geared to peers and youth leaders. I strongly disagree with those calling for the dismantling of traditional student ministry in favor of a totally intergenerational approach. At the same time, I do see the value of swinging the pendulum a bit more toward the family.

Research confirms that doing missions and ministry alongside a parent is one of the most powerful experiences a teenager can have. I wish you would take the risk and occasionally let the generations study the Bible together.

6. Give me practical ways to use my gifts and abilities to support your student ministry.

You already know I'm busy and must balance numerous responsibilities. At the same time, I'm at a point in life when I want to make contributions that will outlive me. With my own teenager and even with that generation, I want to leave a legacy.

At work, I'm part of teams that bring together diverse leaders to accomplish big projects. Why don't you try the same thing at church? Just think, if you inspire parents and volunteers to take the lead with major trips and events, you'll have more time to do what only you can do.

7. Seek my advice on how many week nights, weekends, and summer weeks my teenager should be with you.

We want the same thing - the conforming of my teenager to the image of Christ. If we make decisions together, we have the best chance of making wise decisions. For teens to be impacted by the faith of their parents, they must have a warm relationship. And time is required for relationships to be close.

I want my teen at church Sunday and Wednesday evening and I am fully behind an outreach/evangelism evening. With most teens involved with school events and friends on Fridays and Saturdays, we are down to only two evenings for me to connect with them at home. I can help you know when the harm to families outweighs the positives of crowded calendars.

8. Challenge me to build relationships with teenagers whose parents don't attend church.

Call on my teenagers and I to take solo youth under the umbrella of our home. You'll be surprised how quickly I will purchase a True Love Waits ring for another teenager. Tell a solo youth we would be proud to be his "adopted" family for the parent appreciation banquet.

In the same way, teach me how to impact teenagers in my own home. Show me a simple way to present the gospel to those who hang out at our place. Teach me what I can do to fill the loneliness and emptiness I see in so many teenagers' eyes. In summary, find new ways to bless my family so we can be a blessing to others.

Dr. Richard Ross is the father of a teenage son, a former youth minister and consultant, the co-founder of True Love Waits, and is presently a professor of youth ministry at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary.