5 Steps Through Grief: The Journey to Wholeness

Written by Richard E. Dodge

Grief is a normal part of life. Dealing with grief is the only way to return to a normal perspective on life.

Allow me to share some thoughts and suggestions I offered to my mother to help her through grief when my father died. After more than 58 years of marriage, three children, and more experiences than I can begin to share, she’s in what she described tearfully as her “new life.” 

Confessions of a Grieving Christian

Face grief. God created us with the capacity to love deeply. The pain we feel when one we love dearly leaves us is normal. Thus grief must be faced, processed, and experienced before we can return to emotional balance.

Voice grief. Friends responded from all directions. Rather than give the old “stiff upper lip,” Mom shared tears and thoughts with them, expressed her uncertainty about the days ahead, and accepted each expression of concern with gratitude. To do otherwise is to deny the pain and sense of loss.

Pray about grief. We are reminded in Scripture that Jesus experienced each pain we feel. Jesus’ grief was deep and real when He stood before the tomb containing Lazarus.

Express grief. Having ministered to people in times of loss, I knew that Mom has to continue to express her thoughts and feelings in a more personal way than she did with neighbors. We bought her a blank journal and asked her to do the following:

• Express your feelings - the real feelings - in your own words.
• Write them in letter form.
• Address the letters to Dad. If she could not do that, write them to herself, God, one of her children, or someone else.
• Talk to Dad or the recipient in those letters. Express your feelings, regardless of what you feel. Treat these letters as a written form of expressing your feelings.
• Accept your feelings. Whether mad, sad, happy, or whatever you feel, write them down.
• Write daily. At least once each day, write your feelings in the journal, more if you choose. I reminded her that the journal was for her, not for anyone else. No one would see these letters unless she chose to share them with others.
• Reread letters periodically. I think we can measure our growth progress in working through grief when we can compare how we feel now with how we felt three or four weeks ago.

Remember grief. One of the truly interesting insights Mom faced through this experience was how much she needs to help others walking the path she now is following. She repeatedly commented that she needs to find ways to touch the lives of others who are facing grief and pain. I believe that as she ministers to others in time of death, she will feel grief again, but in a new way. She will remember how others ministered to her in a time when her world was forever changed as Dad slipped off to be with the Lord.