Communicating with children of any age is a challenge, but some adults believe that communicating with teenagers is a step out of the realm of reality. Even on a good day, it’s just not easy. These suggestions might help you get a few ideas of how to break through with your children.
Start by believing in your children. You need to let them know you will give them your attention, concern, and a sincere listening ear.
Seek heavenly wisdom. Sometimes prayer is your only resource when you really want to strangle your teens. God has a way of giving us new control when we seem to be at wits’ end.
Develop communication habits early. Find a safe place for open conversations with your children. In our house it usually was the hall stairs. We’ve had constructive conversations sitting on those stairs. Create reasons to go their often. Talk about feelings, school activities, what’s happening in their lives, and so forth. Start when children are very young or you may not be able to gain their confidence.
Postpone conversations. Sometimes your teen might want to talk with you later. They may be in a hurry, have other plans, or just don’t want to talk about something now. Affirm their desire to postpone; just remind them periodically you still want to talk.
Present yourself sometimes as friend, not parent. This does not mean that you want to be a peer; just a friend who wants to listen, offer encouraging words, and provide advice if the advice is requested.
Develop listening skills. Teens will close you out if you tell them you want to listen to their concerns but you do all the talking. A closed mouth does not mean a closed mind; allow your teen to do the talking. Give advice only when requested.
Be willing to admit you are wrong. Teens need to know that their parents don’t consider themselves to be perfect. If you make an unwise decision, admit it and discuss with your teen how to resolve the situation.
Respect your teen. Treat your child with the same kind of respect you want your teen to show you. This will engender trust in your teen for you.
Remember that you are the adult. Too many parents try too hard to be a teen themselves, wearing stylish clothes and using teenage vocabulary. Teens are sharp, and can spot facades. You can be a good friend to your teen without trying to be a teenager.
Parenting teenagers seems to be a sure-fire route to insanity. Parents today seem willing to try almost anything to be able to connect with their teens. Unfortunately parents too often go to extreme measures to relate or go in the opposite direction: Impose rules and standards without concern for their teens. This creates conflict rather than connection, tangles rather than trust.
© 2001-2008
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