9 Tips for Stressed-Out Parents

Written by Richard E. Dodge

Parenting today seems to be a great challenge, particularly in families in which both parents work outside the home. Today’s families fight a tremendous battle against family “demons” and challenges not only to faith, but also to authority and leadership. What worked for my parents in raising three children didn’t always work as my wife and I raised two sons. Life was different and in many ways more stressed.

Parenting by Grace: Discipline and Spiritual Growth, Leader Guide

I’ve discovered that negotiation, something that seldom happened in my childhood years, may be a sound and constructive way to grow a family in a positive way. Don’t misunderstand me here: Parents are to lead their families, and husbands are to be the head of the household. That’s biblical! But I don’t see any sure-fire guarantees for parenthood other than following the Word. So let me share some thoughts on how to help raise a family in peace when discipline and direction are needed. 

Rely on God’s wisdom. Start by understanding what the Bible says about discipline and love. If you follow Paul’s instruction in Ephesians, you’re off to a great start.

Set fair and reasonable rules. Look carefully at what your children can understand and grasp. This may mean different rules for each child.

Deal with problems both timely and peacefully. Losing control emotionally leads to strained feelings and sometimes to uncertainty regarding whether the child feels loved. Setting a time to deal with serious problems after everyone has control of their emotions can be a sound way of communicating love in the midst of discipline.

Stop if emotions get strained. Recognize when children need a few minutes to regain control of their feelings. Be aware of the same for yourself. If you need a few minutes to regain composure, take them.

Establish ground rules. Remember that you need to allow children to help you establish some “discussion rules,” or rules by which you deal with issues in respectful ways with each other.

Be specific. Explain clearly what you as the parent feel is the problem if this is not clear enough up front. Discuss what rules or standards have been violated and how you perceive the situation.

Clarify confusion. Ask questions to make sure you get a clear understanding of the situation, particularly if the source of the problem involves someone outside the family, such as a teacher or a neighbor.

Brainstorm what happens next. Unless you have clearly established consequences for major infractions - and this would be good - discuss possible punishments with your child and how the punishment will be imposed.

Stick with your plan. Remember that once a plan has been set, you need to stay with the plan. Children are remarkably sharp at detecting when they think they can persuade parents to relent on punishment, which in turn weakens a parent’s ability to hold children to standards of behavior. If children know they must complete all of the punishment handed down, they are less likely to violate the rules again.

Remember that children need to know they are unconditionally loved. Security is very important for children, especially children who live in broken or blended homes. Much of their security has been shaken to some extent with parental conflict and marriage breakdown. Let children know you are punishing behavior, but that you love the child.