Church Conflict and Forgiveness

Written by Norris Smith

Conflict is an inevitable part of church life. As long as people care about one another and are committed to various beliefs and issues, conflict will emerge. Such conflict in itself is not sinful; the mismanagement of conflict is what causes hurt among people. These hurts, if unresolved, will produce broken relationships and divisions within the church fellowship. Such brokenness requires forgiveness if the fellowship is to heal.

Definitions - Conflict is a neutral word. It is neither sinful nor good, but it becomes one or the other by the way people interpret and manage it.

Paul On Leadership: Servant Leadership in a Ministry of Transition

 Church conflict occurs when two groups or two people or two ideas want to occupy the same space at the same time, but there is room for only one. Suppose you are in a room with only one door. The door is only wide enough for one person to go through. Suppose you are going out the door and another person is coming in, and you both converge in the doorway. Two of you would be occupying the same space at the same time, but there is room for only one.

The real issue is how the conflict is to be managed. If healthy, redemptive management is used, conflict is resolved and forgiveness is not needed. If, however, conflict is destructively mismanaged, sinful behaviors will be expressed and will require forgiveness.

Forgiveness is an act of the will. The Bible commands us to forgive one another (Eph. 4:32). These commands appeal to the mind, not to the emotions.

A person must desire for a broken relationship to be repaired and healed. Followed by desire is an act of the will that says, “I choose to give up my right to hit you back.” In its fullest sense, forgiveness is a person’s act of the will motivated by a spiritual desire to release the other person of the responsibility for the hurt he or she received and from that point on never to hold it against the offender(s) again. Some emotions may linger for a while, but the responsibility for the hurt is not held against the offender(s).

Mismanaged church conflict requires forgiveness in the following categories: individual, group, and institutional.

• Individual - When individuals hurt and sin against each other.
• Group - organizational groups that fight over power and control.
• Institutional - structures (such as constitution and bylaws, policies, job descriptions, and budgets) are not followed or revised to meet the relevant vision of the church.

Forgiveness removes relational barriers so that reconciliation can take place. Individuals, groups, and institutional structures are now friendly again. In such an atmosphere of unity, people are speaking to one another, agreeing to disagree, and focusing on the future.

Restructuring affects the way people will relate in the future. Some will resign from a position but will do so in good faith. Others will accept positions they have earlier refused. Silent and shy people will become more active because of the renewed respect of one another’s points of view.

Restructuring also means changing documents and policies to assure a positive future for the church.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean just letting bygones be bygones. It creates a new relational environment in which people can agree to disagree and make healthy decisions. Forgiveness also creates a way for people to work through problems rather than acting too hastily and making unwise and hurtful decisions.

Norris Smith is a pastor and a forced termination and conflict mediation consultant. He lives in Old Hickory, Tennessee. This web article is an adaptation of a longer article Download the full article in .pdf format: Church Conflict and Forgiveness.