When a Promise is Broken

Written by Kenn Hines

This article is courtesy of ec – essential connection

Did you ever say to someone, “You promised!” Maybe it was to a parent who said you could go to homecoming and then changed his or her mind. Perhaps you said it to a teacher who changed his or her mind about assigning homework over Winter Break. Maybe it was an emotional plea to someone who promised they would love you forever.

Bible Promises for Teens

Confronting a broken promise can cause an emotion as small as disappointment that lasts a matter of seconds or as huge as a broken heart that may take years to heal. How we deal with those broken promises will have an impact on our mental health. Answer “yes” or “no” to the following questions to find how broken promises affect your life:

1. Is keeping the promises you make important to you?
2. Do you tend to rank the importance of keeping promises? (For example, do you try not to break a promise you have made to a friend but think that it’s all right to break the promise you made to your brother or sister?)
3. Are you able to recover fairly quickly when people break a promise they have made to you?
4. Are you the type of person who makes a mental list every time someone breaks a promise?

Question 1: If you answered “no” to this question, read Proverbs 5:21-23. Consider how this verse could lead you to a different answer.

If you answered “yes,” it means you are a person of integrity. You let your “yes” be “yes” and your “no” be “no.”

Take a moment to evaluate why you answered “yes” to this question. There could be many reasons. The importance of a promise may have been instilled into you by your parents. On the other hand, you may have been on the receiving end of broken promises so many times that you are determined not to follow that model of behavior.

Be careful of a weakness, however. Sometimes people who place a high value on keeping promises set a standard that is impossible for anyone else to keep. (See #4)

Question 2: If you answered “no,” you can take an ice cream break while I deal with the people who answered “yes.”

If you did answer “yes,” take a minute or two to think through why you have a priority list for promises. Generally, people who are selective about promise keeping do so because they place different values on different relationships. On their “value scale” friends can rank high, while family ranks low (or vice-versa).

In either case, evaluate your motivations for keeping some promises and breaking others, then compare those motivations with biblical principles. The example of Jesus in Philippians 2:1-11 would be a great place to start!

Consider your own feelings in this scenario. You love someone dearly. All you can do is drool when they walk by. Words don’t even form when that person talks to you.

One day when your beloved walks by he or she stops, looks your way, and invites you to meet them after school. You can barely make it through the rest of the day. You catch yourself thinking about imaginary conversations and future dates. Worst of all, you look at your desk and realize you have been drawing hearts all over the paper that should contain notes from the history lecture.

The appointed time finally rolls around. Naturally, you are the first to arrive. You wait, then wait some more. After everyone has left from all the after-school activities, you head home dejected.

Get the picture? That’s how many folks on the bottom of your list may feel when you choose to blow off a promise made. You wouldn’t like it if the shoe was on the other foot, so do your best to keep their feet free as well.

Question 3: If you answered “yes” to question 3, you are normal – at least as far as promises go. Healing time, of course, will depend on the severity of the promise broken; but if you can function following a reasonable amount of time, you will survive.

If your answer was “no,” you might consider talking to someone who can help you. There could be many reasons for your emotional state. The answer could be as simple as your hormones being out of whack or as serious as clinical depression.

Human beings are complex creatures. Many things in our lives are wrapped together. If your struggles are not physical, they may stem from something that has nothing to do with broken promises. There could be a bigger picture involved.

Don’t count on the problem going away on its own. Talk to an adult at church whom you trust. You may feel more comfortable talking to a school counselor. Above all, talk to your parents about what’s been bothering you and work with them to create a plan of action, whether it be a trip to the family doctor or an appointment with a Christian counselor.

Question 4: If you answered “no” to this question, congratulations! You have all the makings of a very forgiving person and can set a good example for others to follow.

If your answer was “yes,” there’s probably a good reason why you’re making your lists and checking them twice. Your parents may have hurt you very deeply at one time or you might have a roller-coaster love/hate relationship with a friend. Whatever the situation, you just find it hard to trust (and forgive) other people.

You need to understand from the start that the people who love us the most can also hurt us the most. You also need to remember that these people are just that – people. They are notperfect. They are bound to make mistakes and even cause pain from time to time, even when they don’t mean to do it.

The solution may be found in your ability to take two important steps. First, you need to communicate how you feel to the people on your list. There’s no need to yell and scream; simple discussion will do. Your feelings are valid, and you have a right to express them. You may be surprised that the other person has no idea how you feel. They may not even remember the event that caused you to generate your list.

No one deserves to be in an abusive relationship, and communicating how you feel may help you evaluate the health of these relationships. Again, talking to a trusted adult can help you gain another perspective about your relationships.

Finally, healing in your life will only come when you’re able to forgive the person who broke the promise. People carry hurt inside for years, and it never goes away until they actively put it away through forgiveness.

Even if you have been devastated by broken promises, you need to find forgiveness for that person and let God bring the heart healing that you need.
Broken promises are bad news. They can destroy families and friendships. They can drive wedges between people and can interrupt God’s work in this world. Many times there are no easy answers.

The good thing is that God understands how you feel. He created you, and He loves you more than anything else in the world. When your heart breaks, His breaks too.

What’s more, you can always count on Him to keep every promise He ever made. That may not make all your problems and hurts disappear like magic. It may not prevent you from being hurt by other people down the road. But it should encourage you to know that He has your best interests in mind, and He will never let you down.