6 Ways to Gain the Respect of Your Children

Written by Josh McDowell

This article is adapted from The Father Connection by Josh McDowell.

How can a father gain the respect of his children?

1. Show Respect
Dads, the road to respect begins at our feet.

• It begins with seeing our kids through God’s eyes, and treating them with honor.
• It means asking for our kids' opinions, and listening when they respond.
• It means saying "please" and "thank you" to our kids, just as we would to anyone else.

2. Define Respect
Defining respect includes making your kids aware of the Biblical commands to respect all human beings, and particularly parents, elders, and governmental and church authorities. It can also include explaining manners, such as addressing elders as "sir" and "ma'am," or opening the door for someone, as ways of communicating respect to other people.

3. Foster Self-Respect
The young person who doesn't respect him or herself will find it difficult to respect Mom and Dad, teachers, pastors, or anyone else. Fathers can help foster self-respect within their kids by communicating:

• I respect you because you’re created in the image of God.
• I respect you because you are a fellow member (or potential member) of God’s eternal family.
• I respect you because you enrich my life.
• I respect you because of your uniqueness, your personality, your talents, and your gifts.

4. Demand Respect for Your Wife
When our oldest daughter Kelly was about 11 years old, she and Dottie went through a difficult period in which they just grated on each other. Kelly began "sassing" her mother and talking rather disrespectfully to her. After observing this a few times, I decided that enough was enough. I grabbed Kelly by the shoulders, gently swung her around, looked her in the eye and said, "Young lady, you might talk to your mother that way, but I will never let you talk to my wife that way! I love that woman, and I will not only protect her from people outside the family, but I will also protect her from you kids. Don’t ever talk to my wife that way again!"

Children learn respect in the home, of course, and to allow them to speak disrespectfully to their mother would teach the opposite of what I want them to learn.

5. Insist on Respect Between Siblings
Differences and disagreements may be inevitable among brothers and sisters, but disrespect shouldn't be tolerated. A wise father will draw the line at name-calling, insults, and cruel teasing, explaining that these do not meet biblical standards for God’s people.

6. Seize Teachable Moments
Effective fathers look for every opportunity to impart wisdom and insight, seize those teachable moments, and wring every drop of possibility out of it. What are some "teachable" moments you can seize?

• Meal Time
• Drive Time
• Time Out Together 
• Observation Time 
• TV Time

I want to be a father like my Father in heaven, because I know that a father who shows respect will also earn respect. And I know that kind of father is more likely to raise kids who respect authority, who respect themselves, who respect their siblings and their peers.

Josh McDowell is a popular writer and speaker with a heart for families. To date, Josh has written or co-written 77 books on topics ranging from Christian apologetics to common problems facing youth. For 30 years, Josh and his wife, Dottie, have partnered in what he considers his first ministry: Family. They have four children and live near the Josh McDowell Ministry in Dallas, Texas.