No matter how appalling the charge or crime, the families of the condemned and imprisoned are affected drastically by the subsequent events. While reaching out to the imprisoned and even those condemned to die is one kind of ministry, an often-forgotten group who has its own needs is the family of the imprisoned. How can the church reach out to minister to those families?
Ways to Minister Outside the Prison Setting
Inmates often say, "I can handle my sentence, but it's my family I'm worried about. When the judge sentenced me, he also sentenced my family." If your church is called to do ministry outside the prison setting, there are two ways you can help families:
The prophetic ministry. First, a prophetic voice is needed on the outside. Generally, prisoners and even correctional workers agree that there is some disparagement within the criminal justice system regarding sentencing guidelines.
Christian activists need to pose the question, "What truly is a fair sentence?" Granted, the system is sometimes forced to release prisoners from prison who probably are still a threat to society. Yet I also meet incarcerated men on a daily basis who are not a threat to society and perhaps never were. What is the right thing to do? We need prophets on the outside who will pose these difficult questions to people who can eventually make a difference. Families suffer the most because of harsh sentences.
The family ministry. Second, consider a calling to minister to families of incarcerated men and women and juveniles. Unfortunately, many families leave a church after their family member is incarcerated. There is an enormous stigma of shame and guilt associated with incarceration. It's really not the church's fault. Perhaps the church members felt awkward toward the family and did not know how to react to the incarceration. However, out of saying nothing or saying the wrong thing, the family is offended and leaves to find another church or quits attending any church at all.
A Practical Approach to This Ministry
Own up to what is happening. The grief of having a loved one placed in prison is similar to having a loved one to die, except for the stigma of shame that is often attached. The grief process is much the same. Find people in your church who can honestly relate to the hurting family. Allow the family to express its hurts, respecting the privacy needs of the family.
Help with finances. The spouse and children left behind will now have added responsibilities and hardships. Typically, if a husband is incarcerated, the money earning potential for the family falls far short of 50 percent of what is was prior to the incarceration. The church should be prepared to help with finances, not in a codependent way, but in a way that promotes as much financial independence and security as possible.
Provide nurturing. Depending on the gender of the parent who is incarcerated, the church might offer a gifted Christian person (of the same sex as the spouse) to help nurture the missing parent role in the family. The incarcerated person may need to be reassured that no one is attempting to replace his or her role. Once the incarcerated person is relieved of this perception, he or she will feel relieved knowing that someone is looking after his or her family.
Because of the strong emotional attachments that can innocently develop, it is strongly advised that women minister to women and men minister to men to avoid any perception of sexual impropriety. Encourage the family and the incarcerated person to communicate in healthy ways. Encourage the family members to write one another as often as possible. Phone bills quickly mount up in these families, contributing to further hardships.
Accept family members and try to understand their hurts. Family members need a church that accepts them and attempts to understand their hurts. Other tangible ministries the church might often center around are child care, tutoring, transportation, financial planning and educational scholarships.
Another opportunity is to use a support network for spouses and families. Kairos Prison Ministry has a group called Kairos Outside. This is a Christian ecumenical group that brings spouses of incarcerated people together. They come together for a weekend retreat to honestly discuss their hurts and to find Christ's grace. Rarely does one leave such a retreat without finding such grace.
Whatever approach a church takes to this opportunity, keep the ministry informal. At the very least, assign a small group of people to this ministry who have a heart for this calling. As this group brings to you and your church the needs of the family, maintain an appropriate level of private confidence and seek to help according to the resources and gifts of your church. Do the best you can and give yourselves the grace to fail. It's all that Christ asks of you.
© 2001-2010
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