Ministry to People in Grief

Written by Richard E. Dodge

What do the following people have in common: elderly woman who has lost her dog; father who drops his child off at college for the first time; child whose parakeet has escaped the cage and flown out the window; man whose parent has died; and couple who divorce? Grief!

A Passage through Grief

Grief is a major part of what these people experience. Major losses and changes in life can cause us to grieve the loss. Grief is an emotional experience that can last as long as two years or more. Grief not only is one of the most common experiences of life, but also one of the most misunderstood. Someone with whom you have contact this week may be experiencing grief in some measure, grief that has not been resolved and processed out. 

Here are some other Dos and Don’ts for people who want to help someone experiencing grief.

Dos

• Study a good book that explains the various stages of grief. Your pastor or a local counselor can recommend good reading resources.
• Let grieving people talk with you. Your time is what they need most.
• Develop the skill of being a good listener.
• Listen carefully for indications that depression and other emotional illnesses may be developing. Your pastor or a counseling professional can provide some indicators to watch for.
• Help people give themselves permission to grieve.
• Help people understand that grieving is not a weakness or an absence of faith, but a normal part of life. God created us the way we are.
• Remember that there is no timetable for handling grief.
• Be prepared to recommend a counseling professional when the struggle with grief seems out of control. Consider your pastor and church staff members as well as professional counselors.
• Always allow people to express the emotions they are feeling.
• Allow silence. This often indicates someone is trying to find words that adequately express their feelings.

Don’ts

• Don’t say things like: I would not be so upset if I were you. You shouldn’t feel that way. It’s just God’s will.
• Don’t downplay a person’s grief.
• Don’t tell people how they ought to handle grief.
• Don’t tell people they should have worked through the grief process by now.
• Don’t discuss your past or present grief experiences.
• Don’t assume the grief process is over just because time has passed or the grieving person now smiles occasionally.
• Don’t try to act as if nothing is wrong.

Be careful when helping people through grief. Never assume that you have the skills to help people resolve grief. The most important help you offer can be a listening ear and a loving hug. Effective ministry to people in grief may be done best by listening more and talking less.