This article is courtesy of HomeLife.

When you’re newlyweds, everything is wonderful. You’re so in love, you can hardly stand to be apart for even one hour. Life seems perfect. … Then reality sets in. One day you look across the kitchen table, watch your mate chew cereal with his mouth open, and contemplate bouncing a piece of toast off his forehead.

Extraordinary Marriage: God's Plan for Your Journey - Learner Guide

 It happens. Eventually the person you married is going to drive you nuts. And you’re going to do the same. After all, you’re two human beings living in the same house.

“If the apostles drove each other crazy, why should you expect anything else in marriage?” Dr. Greg Cynaumon, an expert in marriage and family counseling, asks. “The apostles were the epitome of holy at that time, and even they couldn’t keep from fighting.”

But you don’t have to allow the minor annoyances of daily life together to become a big problem in your marriage.

Five Steps to Sanity
So what’s the solution? How do we keep the annoyances in perspective so we don’t allow our spouse’s habits to drive us totally crazy? Cynaumon offers these suggestions:

1. Manage your expectations. You’re married to another flawed person, so don’t expect perfection. And don’t expect your mate to read your mind or think exactly like you do.

“If we set our expectations too high, then we set our spouses up for failure,” Cynaumon explains.

2. Stop controlling. Both men and women can become control freaks, causing damage to the marriage. “Men tend to be more angry, overt controllers,” Cynaumon says, “while women tend to be more passive-aggressive controllers.”

The way to stop the control game is to stop fixating on your spouse’s faults. While you can’t control your mate, you can control yourself. If you’re spending more time worrying about your spouse’s faults than your own, ask God to help you change.

3. Understand that you’re not entitled. If you think of your spouse as the “caretaker of your happiness,” then you’re thinking wrong.

“The faster we can get to the point that no one owes us anything, the faster we can take responsibility for our own happiness,” Cynaumon says.

4. Stop wishing. Do you find yourself wishing your life away? I wish my spouse could understand me. I wish my spouse were more romantic. I wish my spouse would love me the way I need to be loved.

“I wish” statements are victim statements, Cynaumon says, so get out of the habit of using them. Instead of wishing silently, talk with your spouse about the changes you’d like to see take place.

5. Practice kindness. “Don’t wait until you feel kind to act kind,” Cynaumon urges. “Force yourself to lead with kindness, and the emotions will follow.”

Repeat After Me
Wouldn’t it be great if we could click our heels together and say a few words to make our marriages perfect? According to Cynaumon, heel clicking won’t help, and perfection is impossible. But there are two phrases you can start practicing to make your marriage better: “What can I do to help?” and “Help me understand.”

Let’s say your spouse arrives home late from work. He enters the house without asking about your day or even noticing your preschoolers screaming over who gets to play with the favorite toy. Exhausted, he crashes on the couch, picks up the remote, and starts flipping channels. Finally, without even looking up, he mumbles, “Where’s dinner?”

Irritation fills your soul. You need a break, too. You’ve been working hard all day with seemingly no appreciation. You can respond in one of two ways. You could say, “Dinner was ready an hour ago. What in the world took you so long to get home?” Or you could wisely say, “It looks like you’ve had a challenging day. Things have been pretty rough here, too. Let’s eat; then I would like to hear about your day.”

The first response will probably be met with hostility. The second response still accomplishes the intended mission — letting your spouse know you’re frustrated because he’s late — but you haven’t said anything accusatory. In any marriage relationship, confrontation is necessary, but approach and timing are everything. When you’re both ready to listen, identify the problem and offer to be part of the solution.

“The bottom line,” Cynaumon says, “is to ask yourself why you’re finding fault with the person you love. Stop looking for the broken spots in your spouse, and start appreciating the whole package. It’s just like 1 Peter 4:8 says: ‘Love covers a multitude of sins.’”

So the next time you’re teetering on the edge of insanity, take steps to keep it all in perspective. Instead of focusing on how your spouse has messed up, focus on what’s really important in your marriage. If love covers a multitude of sins, then surely it can cover a multitude of your mate’s annoying habits — and yours.

Michelle Medlock Adams is an award-winning journalist and author of Conversations on the Ark and 13 other books.