Building a Strong Foundation of Relationships

Written by Lynn H. Pryor

Welcome to a wonderful New Year of youth ministry! With stacks of T-shirt catalogs, camp brochures, and game ideas on your desk, where do you begin? The secret to beginning the new year right is really no secret at all: it starts with relationships.

Authentic Relationships - Leader (Life Connections Series)

Ministry is all about relationships - between you and God, you and students, you and parents, students and God, students and parents, and...you get the picture. Ministry is done within the context of the body of Christ. There is an interdependence we are to show. Sometimes you are the leader/mentor, and other times you are the follower. So, how do you begin your new year of ministry well? You begin with relationships.

Relationships with Students
What kind of relationships do students need with you? They need an adult friend. They need someone who will accept them as they are and lovingly challenge them to be what they ought to be in Christ. They want me to be authentic and transparent.

One of the best things we can do with our students is to listen to them. Sit down and talk to them - but let them do most of the talking. We hear their hearts, and they fell like they are being heard and respected. There will be times for you to talk, teach, and preach; but by listening first you can earn the right to be heard when it's your turn to talk.

Relationships with Parents
Each phase of my life added credibility in my relationships with parents. I can more easily walk alongside them because I've "been there, done that." How do you build that credibility when you're 22 and not married? Build relationships! Be a friend to parents. Hang out with the parents as much as you hang out with the youth. Don't try to be an expert in parenting teenagers. Just listen. Find out what's going on in their lives and be an encouragement to them. See them as your allies - and let them see you as their ally.

Relationship with Your Pastor
Many times the most difficult relationship youth ministers encounter is in the area of staff relationships. Your key staff relationship is the one with your senior pastor. Your pastor has been called to his position he is in, and regardless of how you feel about his sermons or taste in ties, he is the one who has been placed in authority over you. The biblical mandate is to submit to his leadership (Heb. 13:17). When you make his work a joy, you both benefit.

Talk with your pastor about his ministry. What are his goals, dreams, and vision for the church he is called to lead? Your goals, dreams, and visions for the youth ministry of your church should complement your pastor's for the whole church. Talk to him about the direction you would like to take the youth ministry and seek his blessing and support. If there are differences, work together to come to the best solution to carry out your ministry plan alongside the pastor's plan for the church.

Relationship with the Church
Develop relationships with all the church members, not just those who have some connection to the student ministry. Too often, the youth ministry functions almost like a separate church. The youth do their own thing on Sundays and Wednesdays with very little connection with the rest of the church.

There are two ways to strengthen your relationship with the church as a whole. First, find ways to involve your students with the adults in the church. Plan intergenerational activities. I don't mean an event where the youth simply do something for the adults, but an event in which the generations participate and work together. Plan a church-wide mission trip. Organize senior adult mentoring for students.

Second, involve yourself in other aspects of church life. When you interact with other adults at church outside the context of youth activities, they see you as more than just "the person who keeps our kids in line." They learn to see you as a partner in ministry.

Relationships with your Family
Never sacrifice your family for the sake of ministry. If you have a family, your first and foremost ministry is to them. If you have to, calendar time with your family, just like you do the rest of your ministry. And don't give your family the leftovers. Don't give them the Saturday after a mission trip when you are dog-tired. Calendar your family time first.

A side benefit is what you model for your students. Many of them don't know what a good parent or family member looks like. By the attention and time you give your own family, you are giving students a model and standard. Then when they have families of their own, they have an example to follow.

Relationship with God
Don't neglect your relationship with God. During my seminary days, I looked forward to the time when I would be in full-time ministry and my quiet times, Scripture memory, and other disciplines could really take off. But when I landed on church staff, those disciplines were difficult to maintain. I was too busy planning events for people to encounter God, and I wasn't taking the time to encounter Him myself. Instead of reading Scripture and listening for what God was saying to me, I was thinking how I could communicate it to teenagers.

Do all you can to strengthen your relationship with God. Maintaining that key relationship will help you get off to a great start this year and will also help you keep your other relationships in the right perspective.

Lynn H. Pryor is the Biblical Instructional Specialist in Student Ministry Publishing at LifeWay Church Resources.