Recipe for Marriage Improvement

Written by Richard E. Dodge

Are you looking for something that will surprise your spouse, add spark to your marriage, or just get away for a couple days of marriage renewal with your “better half”? Here’s a recipe that can help if you not sure what to look for.

Marriage improvement, first, requires an intentional decision to make improvement. That does not mean your marriage is failing. Indeed, my wife and I look for opportunities regularly to make a good thing better. 

Now You’re Speaking My Language

Here’s our list of ingredients for a good marriage get-away.

• 1 mountain hide-away - Of course, this could be a lakeside, beach or any other hide-away; the key is that the location is somewhat isolated. Bed and breakfast locations seem to be among the best options.

• 1 rough road - This limits the amount of time spent driving around and encourages you to spend most of your time together in personal interaction rather than shopping, going to the movies and so forth. The harder getting in and out of the location, the better.

• 3 days . . . or more - If you want to get away, make sure you have at least one day at the location itself. Couples need at least one day for walking, talking, and anything else that improves your personal relationship.

• A touch of atmosphere - Ingredients such as a fireplace, private hot tub, view of the mountains (or lake or beach; you’ve got the idea), and plenty of imagination will add warmth and intimacy to the time together.

• A limited amount of “stuff” - No phones, no traffic, no kids and no housework or clean-up seem essential for a great get-away.

• Flexibility - Weather can change your plans quickly, especially of you have made reservations well in advance. Time spent alone is an essential part of this experience, and certainly some of the time should be spent indoors, alone together. So plan for activities that can be done indoors as well as outside.

• Frequency - Plan such get-aways as often as you can do so. A minimum of once each year would be a good start. Finances obviously must be considered. If you cannot afford something like a bed and breakfast - and they’re not cheap - consider an inexpensive motel that offers a free breakfast.

• Individuality - Sometimes a little time alone is a great help for couples. Take a good book or plan something you might want to do alone. My wife went shopping in a small community near the B&B while I hiked a trail behind our room.

• Anticipation - One of the most critical ingredients of this recipe is the anticipation that this is going to have a positive influence on your relationship. Getting away just because your spouse wants you to may have positive results, but marriage improvement and relationship strengthening are much more likely when both partners decide before you leave that this will be an exciting and beneficial experience.

Every marriage needs help. After more than 33 years of marriage, my wife and I still seek and make time for getting away together to just be alone.