What Works for Your Family?

Written by Sheila Wray Gregoire

This article is courtesy of  ParentLife.

Evelyn, eight months pregnant with her third child, found herself wracked with stomach pains but not because of impending labor. Instead, she felt tremendous stress trying to decide whether or not to return to work.

After her older children were born, Evelyn took a part-time teaching position at her local high school. But now she wanted to be home. Could she afford it? Would she be satisfied? What about the students she would be leaving?

Similar decisions are becoming more common for couples, especially since many women have chosen to work outside the home because of financial need and professional satisfaction. The traditional stay-at-home mom is no longer an automatic choice when a baby enters a family. However, abandoning these roles has not always brought peace. One recent study found that 25 percent of women who worked full-time would rather stay home, and another 44 percent would rather work part-time.

Parents are worried about the consequences for their children; they often find that hectic schedules make their lives seem out of control. While there may be times when such a lifestyle is necessary, ask yourself the following questions before making your decision.

Do We Need the Money?
Money is usually the primary reason mothers decide to work. However, moms who work solely for the money may be disappointed if they do not do the math first.

Cheryl once worked as a school librarian for $17 an hour. She and her husband tried to live on his salary so she could stay at home with their children, ages 2 and 5. But it seemed like there was never enough money. Finally, Cheryl put the children in day care and went back to work. Day care, however, was not not their only expense. They also bought a second car. Cheryl needed clothes for work. And they frequently resorted to take-out for dinner because they both were too exhausted to cook. Cheryl's $17 an hour rapidly shrank to $3.96.

Whether or not work is financially necessary has a lot to do with the cost of working in comparison to the salary you can expect to bring home. For some families, that $3.96 may be all that is keeping them from losing their home. For others, it may not make enough of a contribution to warrant the extra stress. Determine how much money your family needs and brainstorm ways you can meet the need. Can you downsize expenses so you spend less? Can you shop smarter? Can you work part-time? Perhaps there is a way to meet your financial needs without the time commitment of two full-time jobs.

Who Are You?
Cathy had just been offered an attractive buyout package. Though her colleagues were anxious to claim this windfall, she was reluctant to take it. At home she was treated as hired help. She was expected to make all the meals, do all the housework, and clean up after her teenage son. At work her opinion was sought, her advice was heeded, and she felt important. She could not bear to lose that respect.

Many women can identify with Cathy. But if gaining respect is your only reason for getting a job, you may be dissatisfied. While working for money may be necessary in many families, working for an identity should not be. Our identity as Christians is founded in Christ. If we try to find our self-worth outside of God, we are bound to fail.

Before you decide to work to meet a psychological need, make sure you cannot meet that need at home. If work gives you social contacts, join a gym or a playgroup. If work gives you a sense of accomplishment, organize a church outreach or plan a community fundraiser.

What About My Career?
Perhaps the fear of losing your career is making your decision to work. Evelyn's dedication to her career faded once children came. In other cases, the years invested in education or the sense of calling make it difficult to abandon a career completely.

The good news is that the workplace is becoming much more flexible. Many companies also are willing to offer flexible working arrangements in order to keep skilled employees. With these changes, it may be possible to find a way to combine working while still being home with the children some of the time.

Other people remain in their careers but change jobs. Rebecca had a hectic job in international development with an ad agency. After taking a few years off when her children were infants, she returned to academia, researching development trends. She continued working in her field but could work from home.

Rebecca felt pulled to keep working not only because of her investment in her career, but also because she saw it as an integral part of the mission God had for her. Many people have unique opportunities at their jobs to make the world a better place or to witness for Jesus.

Floyd McClung, the founder of Youth with a Mission, relates in his book Living on the Devil's Doorstep how he learned to balance the call to mission with his responsibilities toward his family. God gave children to their families while God gives the entire church the responsibility to witness to others. While we should be involved in missions, it should never compromise our children's well-being. Likewise, the decision to work outside the home should not compromise your children's well-being.

Where Is God Leading Me?
Once you have settled these difficult questions, you are free to dream with God about what He wants for your family. Many mothers will live their lives in chapters, staying home for a period of time and later entering the workforce. Others will stay home full-time throughout their lives, volunteering and serving God without a paying job. Still others will find ways to combine work and parenthood. God has unique plans for each of us, and there is no one-size-fits-all. Dare to dream where God wants to plant you.

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