Biblical Solutions for Ministering to Difficult People

Written by Brooks Faulkner, Joe Sherrer, and Bob Sheffield

This article is a compilation of information from a Doctor of Ministry seminar and is part of an assignment for the class.

9 Types of Difficult People:

Brooks Faulkner, Pastoral Ministry Specialist, at LifeWay Christian Resources, identifies nine types of difficult people and the usual effect they have on people in his book Getting on Top of Your Work: Manual for the 21st Century Minister.

1. The sherman tank will run right over you.
2. The star performer is entitled to your preferential treatment.
3. The megaphone will talk your ear off.
4. The bubble buster deflates everyone’s enthusiasm.
5. The volcano has temper like Mt. St. Helens.
6. The cry baby is a chronic complainer.
7. The nit picker is an unpleasable perfectionist.
8. The backbiter is a master of calculated rumor.
9. The space cadet is on a different wavelength.

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8 Truths about Difficult People:

Bob Sheffield, Pastoral Ministry Specialist at LifeWay Christian Resources, made the following observations as a guest lecturer in a Doctor of Ministry Seminar in April 2004 at the Nashville extension of the New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary.

1. Everybody has one.
2. Everybody becomes one to someone.
3. We cannot change them but we can learn to relate.
4. We will not get along equally with everyone (some may not like us).
5. We should not expect everyone to agree with, like, or love us all the time.
6. We must manage our expectations of others and ourselves.
7. We give up too soon on some relationships.
8. We get along best when we mature spiritually and emotionally.

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7 Biblical Responses to Difficult People

Dr. Joe Sherrer shared the following in a lecture dealing with Managing Church Conflict at the Nashville extension of the New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary.

1. Realize you cannot please everybody (John 5:31)
Here Jesus deals with a group of difficult people by appealing to four witnesses of His authority: John the Baptist, His miracles, the Father, and the Scriptures.

2. Refuse to play their game (Matt 22:18)
The Pharisees tried to catch Jesus by pitting him against the government. He refused to play, “But perceiving their malice, Jesus said, “Why are you testing Me, hypocrites? Show Me the coin used for the tax.” So they brought Him a denarius. ‘Whose image and inscription is this?’ He asked them.” Matt 22:18-20 (HCSB)

3. Never retaliate (Matt 5:38-39)
“You have heard that it was said, An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. But I tell you, don’t resist an evildoer. On the contrary, if anyone slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. Matt 5:38-39 (HCSB)

4. Pray for them (Matt 5:44-45)
But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. For He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.
Matt 5:44-45 (HCSB)

5. Control your temper (2 Corinthians 5:16-19)
From now on, then, we do not know anyone in a purely human way ... He has committed the message of reconciliation to us. 2 Cor. 5:16-19 (HCSB)

6. Be quick to forgive and even quicker to ask for forgiveness (Matthew 6:14-15)
“For if you forgive people their wrongdoing, your heavenly Father will forgive you as well. But if you don’t forgive people, your Father will not forgive your wrongdoing. Matt 6:14-15 (HCSB)

7. Remember that everything has God’s fingerprints on it (Job 9:3-5)
If one wanted to take Him to court, he could not answer God once in a thousand [times]. God is wise and all–powerful. Who has opposed Him and come out unharmed? He removes mountains without their knowledge, overturning them in His anger. Job 9:3-5 (HCSB)

Scripture quotations marked HCSB are taken from the Holman Christian Standard Bible ®, Copyright ©1999,2000,2002,2003 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission.

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