7 Ways to Strengthen Your Home Life

Written by Julie Workman

When boundaries are not established, life in a pastor’s home can be overwhelming and confusing. My pastor husband and I have discovered some habits pastors can develop to strengthen their families and home lives -- something that really blesses me as a pastor's wife.

Help! I’m a Minister’s Wife

Here are seven things my husband and I have found make a difference in our relationship and family:

1. Be where you are
When it's time to be with your wife or children keep your focus on them. Park your briefcase at the church office, or at least keep it closed until designated times that are mutually agreed upon with your spouse. Turn your brain off from sermon and Bible study preparations while you're having family time or a "date night."

2. Take a day off
Set up a day-off schedule and follow it as closely as possible. Share this schedule with church members and ask them not to call on your day off (barring emergencies).

• Turn off your mobile phone and let the answering machine screen calls.
• Save non-emergencies until the next day.

3. Be on your best behavior
Be yourself at home, but be sure that you aren't giving all of the good stuff away at work so there’s nothing left when you get home. Figure out what time of day you’re at your prime, and, at least once a week, make that family time or time with your spouse.

4. Be your wife's pastor
As you wear multiple hats for the church, remember that your mate needs you to be more than just her husband; she needs you to be her spiritual leader as well.

• Schedule time to study the Bible and pray together.
• Encourage her in her personal daily time of growth.

5. Open up
You may feel the need to keep your burdens about the church locked deep inside.

• But your spouse is your confidante and cares about your struggles. If something is wrong, share it.
• Let your wife pray for you, then try to focus on other things. Your relationship will be strengthened and your wife will be more understanding if you aren’t exactly yourself until the burden is lifted.

6. Cherish your wife's gifts
From the beginning, God’s setup for marriage was that Eve would be Adam’s helper. A wife should be encouraged to use her gifts for the good of the church, including the good of the pastor who leads the church (Rom. 12).

• Discover your wife's gifts.
• Help her to use her gifts to edify the church.
• See ministry as a team effort.

7. Go to church together
Even if my husband goes to the church very early on Sunday mornings to study or make final preparations, he almost always comes home to help me finish getting the children ready so we can go to church as a family. Just the fact that we sit separately during services can feel lonely, so having his attention for a few minutes prior to worship lets me know that I’m important to him. It sends a message to church members that we are presenting a united front and are in full support of one another.

If you haven’t already done so, sit down with your spouse soon and share thoughts about boundaries, schedules, gifting, and so forth. Record your findings, then covenant to actually follow through with your developed guidelines. If you’ve done this in the past, plan a time where you can reevaluate and discuss what’s working and what still needs improvement. No matter what you discover, flexibility will need to be in the separation-of-church-and-mate mix because it will be a working model that changes and grows with your relationship.

Julie Workman is the wife of a pastor, the daughter of a pastor, the daughter-in-law of a pastor, and the sister-in-law of a pastor. She has spoken at women’s and missions conventions, has been a missionary to Russia, and recently published a story in "Chicken Soup for the Sister's Soul." Adapted from a previously published article. Used by permission.