For Successful Home Life, Breathe Grace!

Written by Annette Friesen

After fifteen years of homeschooling, I am accustomed to long days of hard work. Now that all my children have graduated from our home, I still find that I have days that are taxing and trying—in different ways. Whether we are teaching our children, relating to our husbands, or ministering to our neighbors, we all struggle to “breathe grace” consistently, especially when we’re tired.

Both my husband and I now work for Peacemaker Ministries: Rick is the Marketing Specialist; I, the Home School Specialist.   This whole realm of ministering to others by helping them deal with conflict can be very draining. After a particularly hard day of work, my husband suggested we go out for a quiet meal. I quickly took him up on his offer. "Nothing elaborate," he said, "just somewhere to relax and unwind together."

The restaurant wasn't very quiet and we were both exhausted from our day. Despite this, I was hoping we would have one of those wonderful times where conversation flows easily and our talk is upbeat and positive. I was sharing details about my day when I realized he wasn't fully connecting with the topic of discussion. His weariness was evident, but my desire for a meaningful time together was strong. By the end of the meal, however, it became obvious that things weren't going to improve.

We ran a few errands on the way home. I continued to talk, but by the time we arrived at the house, I admitted defeat and became silent in my disappointment. This too wasn't noticed. Disappointment was soon followed by resentment and self-pity. My heart's indignation boiled over into jumbled thoughts. Okay, I admit he has had a hard day, but I deserve some attention, too. Everything always seems to be about him. When is it my turn? I was trying to justify my feelings. I truly felt I had been treated unjustly and was worthy of better treatment.

"For his mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart." I proved this portion of Luke 6:45 (HCSB) to be true when I responded sarcastically to a simple request from my husband shortly after arriving home. My heart had been focused on my own needs and my unmet expectations. I completely put aside God's commands to me from Philippians 2:3-5 (HCSB): "Do nothing out of rivalry or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves. Everyone should look out not [only] for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Make your own attitude that of Christ Jesus.”

This is a well-known passage at Peacemaker Ministries. We frequently use it in mediations to challenge people to respond biblically to one another. Yet as I sat in my room musing over my sinful response to my husband, I realized I had been selfish, had not regarded his interests or needs at all, and felt I was the most important one that evening. In my time of need, I had not done what Hebrews 4:16 tells us to do—draw near to God's throne to receive mercy and grace. I had missed the opportunity to breathe grace.

In a staff devotional a couple of months ago, Ken Sande, President of Peacemaker Ministries and author of the book The Peacemaker, shared with us how important it is to breathe grace. When there is conflict, people are usually quick to breathe condemnation and criticism, but believers should always breathe grace. He pointed out that breathing is the act of being alive, inhaling and exhaling air. Grace is God's unmerited favor and merciful kindness. We are to inhale God's wonderful grace and exhale this grace with mercy and kindness, joy and delight. We do this by having the attitude of Christ who humbled himself to death on a cross (Philippians 2:1-8) so that we could be saved by grace (Ephesians 2:8). By partaking in God's gospel of grace, we can breathe grace.

The parable of the prodigal son helps us understand God's grace. Instead of being given the punishment and lower position he deserved, the prodigal was graced with forgiveness, mercy, and kindness when he confessed his wrong. " But God proves His own love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us!" (Romans 5:8, HCSB).

This incredible grace not only saves us, but changes us. By God's grace we are no longer slaves to sin (Romans 6:14), have abundance for every good deed (2 Corinthians 9:8), and are sufficient because His power is perfected in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9, 10). This grace imbues us with contentment even in the midst of distresses, persecutions, and difficulties (2 Corinthians 12:9, 10). But there's more. We can even give grace. Ephesians 4:29 (HCSB) states, " No rotten talk should come from your mouth, but only what is good for the building up of someone in need, in order to give grace to those who hear." God's grace is manifested in our words to others.

James 4:1-10 speaks of the cause of our conflicts (a desire that usurps God's control in our life). We want things that we think will make us happy instead of going to God (that wonderful throne of Grace.) We also have motives to please ourselves but not others.

This was exactly my situation the night we went to dinner. I needed some attention and this became first and foremost. My interests and needs came before my husband's. Had I prayed at that moment for Rick to pay attention, I would have been seeking a result that pleased me, but not God. Further in the James passage, we find the answer is "greater grace." This is found by drawing near to God, confessing and cleansing ourselves, and having a single focused purpose—that of seeking God's purposes and not our own. We receive grace when we are clothed in the humility that Christ demonstrated to us through His death (I Peter 5:5).

Breathe in God's grace; breathe out forgiveness for others. Breathe in God's grace; breathe out merciful kindness. Breathe in God's grace; breathe out words that edify. Praise God, we have hope for our wicked hearts! This is the key to successful homeschooling and successful relationships in the home.

If I had gone to the throne of God's marvelous grace at the first sign of self-pity that evening, I would have received mercy for my sinful heart and weaknesses, the grace to claim my freedom from sin, and the abundant grace to do good. Then I would have breathed grace instead of words of condemnation.

After remembering Ken's devotional and God's incredible love for me, I was able to apologize. However, I never even got a chance to explain. My husband reached out to me to hold me and forgive me.

He had breathed grace.

Breathe on me, Breath of God; Fill me with life anew,
That I may love what Thou dost love, and do what Thou wouldst do.

© 2003 Peacemaker Ministries

Rick and Annette Friesen began homeschooling in 1984 and graduated all three children from homeschooling. Rick is the Marketing Specialist and Annette is the Home School Specialist for Peacemaker Ministries, an international ministry dedicated to equipping and assisting Christians and their churches to respond to conflict Biblically.

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