5 Ways to Minister to a Manipulator

Written by Brooks Faulkner

Three As of the manipulator:

1. Attention:  He never gets enough, no matter how much you give.
   
   
2. Affection: She nevers feel enough, no matter how many share their love.
   
   
3. Approval: He never receives enough, no matter how actions are affirmed.

A manipulator may legitimately need attention, affection, and approval, but as a leader you must prioritize your time.

The Solution: Turn an uncomfortable relationship with the manipulative person into a positive relationship. It’s not easy, but it is possible.

O Shepherd, Where Art Thou?

Here are five ways to help you:

1. Give needed attention.
   Our work as caregivers involves the recognition of genuine need. Giving this person attention is not only a responsibility, but a privilege.
   
   
2. Confront gently.
   Respond to a person who “dropped in” with, “Good to see you Jim, but you’ve caught me at a bad time. There are some things that are pressing me. Let me call you as soon as I get time. Thanks for understanding.”
   
   
3. Respond candidly.
   When confronted on an issue, respond with, “It sounds to me as if you need a little education on . . . Let me share a couple of my intentions.
   
   
4. Say "No" when you need to.
   It is hard for you to say "no" without feeling guilty, but it is necessary for your emotional and spiritual health.
   
   
5. Leave change up to God.
   Encourage, but don’t expect too much. Leave the rest up to God. He can handle it.

Brooks R. Faulkner recently retired as senior specialist, Pastoral Ministry, LifeWay Christian Resources.