4 Things You Need to Know to Reach Ministers' Wives

Written by Becky Badry

If you got a group of ministers' wives together, you'd be hard-pressed to create a profile of the "typical" minister's wife based on them and their needs. But as you lead women's ministry, consider some common characteristics of ministers' wives that can help you serve them:

The minister's wife is first and foremost a child of God – like any other Christian woman. But while this is the foundation for all she is as a woman, wife, and perhaps mother, many people may expect her to be fully mature from the start.

She needs to be seen as a sinner saved by grace who is becoming all God intended her to be. Others must give her the freedom to mature in Christ.

She is married to a minister, not to the ministry. Her role adds uniqueness to her call: She is to minister to the needs of her husband and be willing to share him with others.

To accomplish this monumental task, the minister's wife will need friends', families', and church members' support. The church will greatly benefit if the minister's marriage is healthy.

The minister's wife may be a mother. Parenting may be the greatest fear for ministers and their wives. Parenting is universally difficult, but add the often-unreal expectations placed on minister's children, and frustration can easily lead to rebellion.

As one ministry mom asked, "Does God know that my children are supposed to be perfect?" The pressure on minister's family can become overwhelming.

She is a church member. Ruthe White wrote, "The pastor's wife is the only woman I know who is asked to work full-time without pay on her husband's job, in a role no one has yet defined." I speak from personal experience in this matter when I say this can become the greatest source of struggle.

Unreal expectations (others' and mine), unmet expectations, and unknown expectations are all hurdles I've had to overcome. The key is to define my role, not by what others – or I – want, but by what God expects.

The overriding need of a Christian woman who is married to a minister is to be given the freedom to operate as a member of the body of Christ within the context of her giftedness and God-given passion. The minister's wife should be given the freedom of determining how she will be involved in church ministry. It is her choice whether she will spend the majority of her time and energies attending to the needs of her family or jump deep into to her local church ministry opportunities.

When this freedom is afforded the minister's wife, there is release from the performance trap based on her undefined role. She is free to obey and please God as His loving child - not driven by her role as minister's wife.

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