Responding to Children's Fears

Americans young and old are still processing the tragedies of September 11. While adults may delve into a more philosophical or spiritual realm of thinking, children deal with issues of violence or terrorism on a basic level. Children see and hear what is going on around them. That knowledge leads to the inevitable questions: How can someone be so mean? Will it happen here? Are we safe?

While adults struggle to find the answers themselves, parents can't ignore reality when kids start asking questions. These hard-life situations can offer some "teachable moments." While the discussion might not be a comfortable one, children need to talk with their parents and feel free to ask questions. It's a good idea for kids to get the answers from home and not from their buddies on the school bus.

• Give answers with age-appropriate detail. (It doesn't help a child's sense of security to know how easily knives can be smuggled aboard airplanes or to learn how accessible guns are to minors.)
• Admit that you don't have all the answers. But comfort can be communicated to kids by sharing that even though adults don't know everything, God does.

God Offers Hope and Comfort
No one denies that evil exists in the world - even kids. Kids can come to understand that there are people in the world who do bad things. There are many secular explanations for these cruel deeds, but God is clear about the nature of evil:

"Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith" (1 Peter 5:8-9).

While evil abounds, it's important for kids to know that God is still in control. He does not forsake His followers. The Bible, especially in the Psalms, offers encouragement to the believer:

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me" (Psalm 23:4).

Another concept to share with children is one of safety. God is in control of all things, at all times. Just knowing that can soothe a child's fears. Sometimes when bad thoughts come up at night, a good verse to share is

"I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety" (Psalm 4:8).

As we work through the issues of terrorism and violence with our children, we are helping them to understand more about the difficult realities of life, how we should respond to them and how God is still sovereign in all things. International terrorists, criminals with guns, and sadly, kids with guns, want to hold us hostage to our fears. But we cannot allow them to control our lives. We are called to live victoriously in Christ, even in this different world.

Adapted from articles by Mary Kay Klim and Karen Dockery in ParentLife magazine, "Families Facing Violence and Terrorism," by Mary Kay Klim and "When Your Child Worries," by Karen Dockrey. Portions of this article were also excerpted from the book "When a Hug Won't Fix the Hurt," by Karen Dockrey (New Hope, 2000). Used by permission.

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