Good for Dads!

Written by Dr. Ken R. Canfield

This article is courtesy of ParentLife.

I know dads who freeze in many routine child-care situations. When something unexpected happens, they say to the child, “Hold on!” and call for Mom. Or, more likely, these dads never get themselves into situations where an unexpected event could happen.

 Although the attitudes of most dads have been changed in recent years; many still feel out of their comfort zones when it comes to child care. Most dads can stand up to an angry boss or muster the courage to land an important client but are perplexed by the sight of a 4-year-old in need.

Dads are not less capable than moms; they are just less practiced and prefer to stick to the comfortable “manly” roles. For some dads, helping with child care means playing with the children when they feel like it or when they have no other pressing responsibilities.

As a dad, you can and should take on more of the responsibility of everyday parenting. Consider the following suggestions:

1. Talk with your wife about expectations. Most moms have expectations for their child’s father that he does not know about. Bring expectations out in the open — verbalize them so you can discuss them and agree on what your fathering role should be. Maybe you are in charge of bathing, tackling Saturday chores, and bedtime duties. You can work out the details, but the bigger issue is accountability — if you commit to certain duties, then you are accountable to carry them out. Dad, verbalize your commitment and encourage your wife and child to hold you accountable.

2. Just do it. The way to master child care is to dive in, make some mistakes, learn from experience, and gain confidence for the next time. If that does not sound appealing, recognize that getting involved in child care is a great way to bond with your child. You are doing more than changing a diaper, helping with a math assignment, or supervising the nightly playroom cleanup; you are relating to your son or daughter. Relax and make it fun; your child will sense if you are frustrated and tense, and it will make things more difficult.

3. Draw support from others. Your wife is a source for advice and encouragement. Approach her and admit that you need help. Dads also can depend on one another for support. With the support of fellow dads, you can learn the skills, gain confidence, and do your share as a father. It is never too late to begin sharing the load of parenting.

Dr. Ken R. Canfield is founder and president of the National Center for Fathering. He has written several books, including The 7 Secrets of Effective Fathers. He and his wife, Dee, have five children. Visit his Web site at www.fathers.com.

Share your thoughts with other readers:  Post Comments   Rate this Article