The Squeaky Wheel

Written by Rhonda Rhea

This article is courtesy of ParentLife magazine.

How can you divide time between your children when one child seems to demand it all? What do you do with the guilt you feel when your other children do not receive equal amounts of attention? Are there ways to handle the job of maintaining all the family duties while still meeting the needs of the “squeaky wheel” child?

Determine the Source of the Squeak

Generally, you can identify and classify your child’s squeak to be physiological or emotional, normal or out of the ordinary. Begin by determining whether or not your child has physiological needs. He may be hungry, thirsty, hot, cold, or needing a diaper change. Your child may also be sick or not feeling well. Ask your child questions, take his temperature, or take him to the pediatrician to determine his health. ADD/ADHD and other attentional and behavioral difficulties may be influencing your child’s actions. If your child’s complaints are on-going, do not hesitate to seek further medical advice as to the source.

Some squeaks speak more to a child’s temperament and emotional needs rather than physiological ones. Some children simply require more hugs and more attention. A child may use a host of methods to get your attention. Depending upon your child’s proficiency with language, he may also express himself through displays of anger, pretending to be sick, whining, and so forth.

If you are able to assess your child’s attempts to get your attention, you can probably determine the differences between immediate needs for juice, those for a hug, and those for a medical emergency.

There are cases when the source of the squeak cannot be determined. It is helpful to receive evaluation from other parents, physicians, or teachers to determine if your child’s behavior is considered normal for that age group.

Find Oil for the Squeak

Stop to examine your interaction with the child. Are there ways you are contributing to your child’s behavior? Are you setting limits that are appropriate? Are you consistently following up on those limits? Many times a child will respond with whining or other forms of squeaking because he has learned it works to get him what he wants.

Set clear rules and consistently follow up with consequences. Do not change your mind to appease your child’s whining or other related behavior if there is a more appropriate way he can express himself. Model proper behavior in your interactions with others.

Squash the Squeak Guilt

Do not carry around guilt because time with your children cannot be divided equally. You are better at parenting when you are not burdened with guilt. As a matter of fact, you can give your children false ideas about life when you teach them that everything will always be equal.

Instead, model God’s kind of love and fairness to your children. Showing unconditional love for every family member and a desire to meet their needs, better prepares them for adult life. You can work to teach them to be under-standing when the needs of another child require your attention, to love that sibling unconditionally, and maybe even to help the other sibling.

Promote Fairness

Attention, time, and energies do not necessarily need to be distributed equally, but love and justice should be. In his Complete Marriage and Family Home Reference Guide, Dr. James Dobson addresses the problems that result from an inadequate system of justice among children:

“It is important to understand that laws in a society are established and enforced for the purpose of protecting people from each other. Likewise, a family is a mini-society with the same requirements for protection of human rights. One of your most important responsibilities is to establish an equitable system of justice at home. There should be reasonable ‘laws’ that are enforced fairly for each member of the family.”

Keep Your Joy

Do not let a squeak drown out the happy noises of your household. Hanging onto your joy is essential for you and for your children. The kind of joy God gives can put you ahead of the game. Psalm 45:7 says, “Your God, has set you above your companions by anointing you with the oil of joy.” Oil your little squeaker with the oil of joy.

Oil for the Squeaky Wheel

The oil of prayer. Ask God for the strength and wisdom to successfully raise your children in His likeness. Dwell on the positives in your children and be thankful for the gift of each child to build a better attitude. Determine not to compare your children but to give thanks for each unique personality.

The oil of Christ-like behavior. Your behavior is a pattern for your children. If you want to help them guard against areas of disobedience, then make sure that you have taken care of those troublesome areas in your own life.

The oil of love. Love is great oil for your squeaker. Help compliant children guard against jealousy and bitterness by reassuring them of your love. And it may surprise you how your unconditional love of their high-maintenance sibling can actually build security in your easy-going children as well. Plan a special one-on-one time with your non-squeaker.

The oil of a plan. When dealing with a disagreeable child, define the needed changes and then reinforce those improvements when they occur. Use of an attitude chart to clarify the target. Poor attitude results in lost privileges and other forms of discipline. A good attitude is met by your affirmation.

The oil of grace. Sometimes you will make mistakes in how you relate to your child. Know that God is willing to forgive your mistakes and give you added grace for the future. Read Hebrews 4:14-16.

Rhonda Rhea likes to believe she lives in a relatively squeakless home with her five children in the St. Louis area. She also enjoys a busy schedule as an event/conference speaker.

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