24 Hour Counselor: I Get Depressed Often
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Hi. I'm John, and I guess you may be feeling kind of down. A lot of teens feel that way at some time or another. I'd like to invite you to read on as I talk about depression with a friend of mine and a professional counselor, Dr. Wade Rowatt. Dr. Rowatt, I get depressed sometimes. I'm not the only one who suffers from depression. Am I weird, or does it mean I am going crazy because I get depressed often? Dr. Rowatt: No, John, it doesn't mean that you are going crazy just because you suffer from frequent periods of depression. Being down doesn't make you weird. Depression is a very common feeling, especially for teenagers. In fact, all teenagers feel depressed some of the time, and many of them often struggle with depression. You are not at all weird or different just because you are feeling depressed. John: I am not even sure I understand what depression is. I just know that I feel bad. What is it, anyway? Dr. Rowatt: Well, most people speak of depression as a feeling. In fact, we use many different words to describe depression, words like sad, disappointed, gloomy, unhappy, or being down on myself. It is feeling sad or moody, dejected. But it is also accompanied by a change in behavior, a change in the way you act, perhaps even a change in the way you think. When you are depressed, you tend to be heavy-hearted, downcast. You don't feel like being around people. Everything looks bad. Nothing seems very exciting. You may even cry when there is not much to cry about. Sometimes when you are depressed, you won't want to do anything, just sort of curl up and be alone. You may have trouble sleeping, or you may want to sleep too much. Also, some people lose their appetites when they are depressed, but then other people eat almost constantly. Depression can cause a lot of changes in the way a person acts. John: But you said it also affects thinking, not just feeling and action. How does it affect my thinking? Dr. Rowatt: Well, John, when you are depressed, you usually begin to think more negatively. You give up hope. You always look at the dark side of things. For example, take a piece of clean paper and put a black dot somewhere on the page. Then look at the page. What do you see? Everybody says a black dot. But really it's about 99 percent clean. The depressed person would say he can't think clearly about the clean places. Depressed thinking is hopeless thinking. When you give up, you tend to make mental errors. You tend to exaggerate problems. You see things only from a negative point of view and completely disqualify the positive. When someone points out something positive, you reject that. You insist on being negative. Maybe you say something like, "Oh, that doesn't matter," or "Yes, but that doesn't count." Also, you tend to see yourself as the only cause of a lot of things that happen to you. You say, "It's all my fault," or "I'm a piece of trash." Hope really makes a difference with depression, but hopelessness in your thinking will lead to even more depression. John: Sometimes I get so angry with myself. It feels like everything goes wrong and it's my fault. Is that depression, too? Dr. Rowatt: Yes, John. Pointing anger back onto yourself and blaming yourself is a type of negative thinking that can cause depression to recur. Most often, you are not really angry at yourself, but you are angry at a set of circumstances or even at someone else. But you won't give yourself permission to admit it and to express it directly to them. Of course, at times we all make mistakes, and feeling upset is normal. John: Is getting angry at myself the only thing that can cause depression? Dr. Rowatt: Oh no. There are many factors in depression. Anger is just one of them. There are other causes, such as being alone and isolated too much of the time; or having experienced a significant loss, such as moving away from your friends or having someone you care about move away from you. Another factor is failure because we set our goals too high. We expect too much and we get disappointed. People sometimes get down around holiday seasons, especially if their holiday did not turn out as they expected. Some people even get depressed on cloudy or dreary days when the sun is not shining. There could always be some physical factors in depression, too. If your depression continues, it might be good to check with your family doctor. John: Well, if all of these things can cause depression, how can I know exactly what caused mine? Dr. Rowatt: You can't know exactly, but you can run down a checklist. Take an inventory so to speak. For example, if you have moved recently or lost a steady date or had a death in the family, you might look first at those for the cause of your depression. If you have looked at the common causes of depression and still don't find anything, then I would suggest that you get a physical check-up. John: What can a person do anyway? Depression feels terrible. It's no fun to stay depressed. Dr. Rowatt: There are many things you can do to deal with depression. The first is to realize that you might be depressed for no reason. You might be thinking about things from a perspective that is not correct, like looking at that black dot and not seeing the other white on the page. John: Can you give me an example? Dr. Rowatt: Maybe you are depressed because you think you don't have any friends when, in reality, there are several people who want to be your friend. But one or two people you are trying to impress aren't paying you much attention. You are going to feel rejected and maybe depressed because the few people that you target aren't responding to you. You think people don't like you and you feel depressed. But the truth may be that those persons aren't very good friends to anyone. There are still all the rest of the people who do like you. When you realize that they are there, then you don't feel so depressed. John: Yeah, but what if you don't know anyone who likes you? Dr. Rowatt: Then meet some new people. Give them a chance to know you, and take some time to get to know them. John: But what if the people I don't like are the only ones who like me? Dr. Rowatt: Then learn to be friends with people who do like you. I once heard a poem about that: "There is so much good in the worst of us, and so much bad in the best of us, that it little behooves any of us to look down on the rest of us." Check out your thinking. Is it that no one likes you, or that you don't like most people? Get to know these people. You'll find that they will start liking you. Be careful that you don't look down on others. John: Well, how can someone make himself like someone who is no fun? Dr. Rowatt: Get to know him. Share some fun activities together. Give him a chance. Another thing you can do to deal with your depression is this: Don't just trust in yourself for your strength to face the situation. In Isaiah 40:28-31, God gives some good advice to hopeless people. These folks are really down. They are so down that they think even God has hidden Himself from them: "Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, neither faints nor is weary. His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall, but those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint" (NKJV).1 John, if you are not in a healthy relationship with God, then you can't have this strength. It comes from depending on God. John: Well, I have been working on a closer relationship with God. Dr. Rowatt: Very good. Remember Isaiah 40:28-31. Remember that you need to depend on God for the strength to face the situation, to face the depression. One thing you can do about your depression is to seek a more joy-filled relationship with God. This means depending on God for all of your strength. The Bible says, "I am able to do all things through Him who strengthens me" (Phil. 4:13, HCSB).2 That means asking God to give you strength when you have something to do but you don't feel like doing it. It also means linking your life to other Christians by being active in your youth group or in a Bible study group. John: You mean I can always fly like an eagle? Dr. Rowatt: No, John, the promise is not that you will always fly like an eagle. There will be times when all you can do is walk and not be weary. God doesn't promise that our burdens will be so light that we will soar all of the time, only that He will be with us. Life will not always be a rose garden. John: Is there anything else I can do for my depression? Dr. Rowatt: Make a list of several things. First, write down the answer to this statement: Right now I feel like __________ . Then take a moment and think about the answer to a second question: Right now at feel angry at ___________ or I feel upset toward __________. Take a moment and write that out. List any number of people or things. After each one, put the reason why you feel that way. Third, write one response to each of these situations. For example, if you write that you feel angry at your dad for ignoring you, that he never has time for you, then your response could be to call him to request more time together. Be creative. Be hope-filled as you look for solutions. Remember, you can at least tell a person that you are upset with him. John: But what if you can't think of anything to say? Dr. Rowatt: If you can't think of any responses, talk with your youth minister, pastor, Sunday School teacher, your parents, or a good friend. See if he can help you think of some options for dealing with these things that you have written down. These things are pushing you down and adding to your depression. John: But what if you tried to do some of those things and you still fail? I mean, won't you feel worse? Dr. Rowatt: You may fail at some of those things, but it doesn't have to make you feel worse. If you fail some of them or if you partially fail, remember--no one is perfect. You might not soar like an eagle today, but at least you can walk and not faint. Rather than looking at your failures--the black dot on a white sheet--look at what goes right. Be hopeful about how you can make it better next time. In battling depression, the most important thing is to make and initiate a plan to get involved in changing the hopelessness. You are not helpless. Write down one or two things that you can do and then do them now. You don't have to be perfect, and it doesn't have to turn out perfect. The important thing is that you try and that you do something to change your situation. In making that plan and trusting in God for your strength, you can have hope. Hopelessness is unreasonable thinking that serves no real purpose for you. The more you believe the negative thoughts, the worse you are going to feel. The more you try to take positive action and do something about your situation, the better you are going to feel. John: But can a person do anything to avoid depression? All this tells me is how to get out of it, but there has got to be some way to avoid getting so depressed in the first place. Dr. Rowatt: That's an excellent question, John. Certainly, there are things you can do to avoid most depression in the first place. The first is to be aware of negative thoughts as soon as they start attacking your hope. If you start thinking badly about yourself, sit down and ask, "Is this really true?" Look for the bright spaces and not just the black spots on the paper. Focus on the positive. That will keep you from getting depressed in the first place. John: Yeah, I can see how that would help. What else can a person do? Dr. Rowatt: Another thing is to find something you enjoy doing. Then find someone whom you enjoy being around and ask him to do it with you. Maybe it's sharing a milk shake, or playing a game of volleyball, or just listening to some good music. Do something you enjoy with someone you like. Be careful, though. Escaping into too much TV, for instance, can add to your depression. John: Good. Anything else? Dr. Rowatt: Yeah. Another thing you can do is to re-evaluate what happened. Describe the event. Look at what you thought happened and then ask: Is that really the only way to look at it? For example, if a group of friends left you standing alone after church as they went out for a pizza and you are really feeling sad and rejected, re-evaluate what happened. Look at it again. They left and you were standing there. That is the example. Your thoughts are something like, "They don't care about me." Your feelings are gloomy and depression is beginning to settle in. Let's think about it again. Maybe they don't care, but more than likely it was just an oversight on their part. Another question to ask yourself is: Did you ask if you could go with them? If not, then you have to accept as much responsibility as they do. Before you get sad, review your thoughts and remember that your interpretation is just one possibility. Most likely, it's the negative possibility. Try to correct that interpretation by looking at the positive side of what happened. Decide that next time you are going to speak up. You are going to say something for yourself. John: You mean I should say something like, "Hey, can I come along?" Dr. Rowatt: Of course. And even if the group hesitates to say yes, then you invite a couple of others to go out. If you have a particularly difficult problem that you keep worrying about, and it keeps getting you down and depressed, then I would suggest that it's important for you to write out a list of alternatives to that problem. Look at the ways you can change it. Look for ways that you haven't thought of before, and look for places you can get some help with the problem. But don't give up hope. If you can't find a way to solve your problem, maybe someone else can. Talk with your parents or youth minister. Talk with a teacher or a friend. But don't give up hope. Remember, hopelessness leads to depression. In the closing portion of what's sometimes called "The Love Chapter," 1 Corinthians 13:13 tells us that there are three important things that abide forever: faith, hope, and love. It's important that you never give up hope, or depression will rule your life. John: If everyone has depression, why not just live with it? Is it dangerous? Dr. Rowatt: Yes, John, it can be. There are a few questions you might ask yourself if you think your depression is getting to a dangerous level. By a dangerous level, I mean: Is it leading you to think of harming yourself or maybe even attempting suicide? Ask yourself each of these questions, and answer: "never," "sometimes," or "always":
Now, give yourself a zero for each "never" answer. Give yourself a one for each "sometimes"; and a two for each "always." Here are three more questions.
Again, give yourself a score. But this time give yourself a two for each "never" answer, a one for the "sometimes" answer, and a zero for the "always" answers. Add up all your scores from the first questions and these last three. Dr. Rowatt: If your score is below nine, your depression probably is just a normal part of the ups and downs of life. If it is between 10 and 15, you are likely moderately depressed. And if it is above 15, you really need to seek professional help from someone. I would suggest that you talk with your minister or counselor as soon as possible. John: That sounds like a good test. But what if a person is so depressed that he doesn't want to live? Dr. Rowatt: Remember, John, if your depression ever gets you to the place that you might want to harm yourself, pick up the phone and ask for help immediately. Call a minister, a youth minister, a physician, a counselor, or a friend. If your parents are around, go tell them immediately. Ask for help. If someone is with you, please tell them. Let someone else help you find hope in your life. John: You know, Dr. Rowatt, this talk has helped. Thanks for talking with me. Dr. Rowatt: Remember, if handling a situation becomes too difficult, tell a caring, loving adult that you might need some help. Don't make excuses. Talk to someone until you get the help you need. _______ The 24-Hour Counselor |
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