Miracles at the Gate: Helping in Times of Grief
Jerry's voice on the phone was so choked with tears I could hardly understand his word. "She has cancer. Is the preacher there?" Their world was shattered, and they needed help.
What can you, as a ministry assistant, do? After all, this position is a ministry position. In your position, you are the one to answer the telephone or answer the door. As ministry assistants, we must be prepared for almost any crisis. You will be the first to greet the troubled person. How can you help?
- Listen
One of the greatest gifts you can give to a hurting person is compassionate listening. It is an act of mercy to allow a hurting soul to tell his or her story. Remember to listen without judging. Never attempt to minimize the situation or the person's reaction to it. Even though you may not see the situation as a real problem, if it is real and serious to the person, then it is real and serious. Make comments that reflect back to the person what you hear him or her saying. This will help both of you clarify the situation.
- Give Your Undivided Attention
If someone has trusted you enough to share with you a critical life situation, then you must give the person your undivided attention. As much as possible, eliminate distractions. Be careful not to send your own negative nonverbal signals, such as looking at your watch, repeatedly looking away, or appearing annoyed because of the interruption in your schedule. Don't try to hurry the person along. Silence is OK! It allows the person time to think through feelings and try to put them into words. Make sure the person knows that his or her feelings and situation are your utmost concern.
- Talk in a Calm, Soothing Voice
A calm, soothing voice is an important tool. Regardless of what you're facing-anger, grief, panic-a calm, soothing voice can help you bring the situation under control. Learn to control your own feelings so that you can minister to the immediate situation. If your voice give away your own anger, panic, or fear, you have compounded the situation.
- Be Trustworthy
Even though someone is sharing with you a problem or critical situation, remember that it is not up to you to solve it. Often ministry assistants are by nature "fixers." We want to "fix" every situation that we can. However, this is not the appropriate response. The appropriate action is to refer the person to a qualified minister or other professional caregiver. Offer to make an appointment on his behalf. Remember that the person has shared with you in confidentiality. Ask for permission before sharing the information with the ministerial staff.
- Share Scripture and Prayer
Nothing is more comforting than Scripture and prayer. However, you must be sure that the person is emotionally and spiritually able to receive what you desire to share. Our "churchy" vocabulary is not always well received.
Allow the Holy Spirit to guide you in knowing if the time is right. If so, share Scriptures that have ministered to you personally and that are appropriate to the situation. (You can also have these Scriptures preprinted on postcards that you can give to the person so that he can refer to them later.)
Offer to pray for the person and/or the situation. As you pray, be brief and to the point, plainspoken, and transparent. Through the Scriptures you share and the prayer you offer, your heart for God and your heart of concern for the person will be evident.
As a ministry assistant you are literally posted at the gate. As you receive those who come through the gate, you will be receiving all kinds of people and all kinds of situations. To all who call or come into your office you can offer them Jesus-through your words and actions. Following up with phone calls, notes, cards, or visits shows you care, offers encouragement, and builds trust. You can offer hope, foster courage, and help lift someone's burden. Miracles occur at the gate.
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