Embracing Your Role as Your Teen’s Spiritual Mentor

Written by Paul Turner

This article is courtesy of Living with Teenagers.

Being a parent is one of life’s most challenging roles. While you can run to the local bookstore and find many books on parenting, most of them filled with theory and probably written by people who have no children.

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Living with Teenagers

Personally, I thought I knew it all before my wife and I had children of our own. Now that we have two teen daughters, I realize I know nothing about parenting.

Actually, that’s a little overstated. I have learned a thing or two about parenting over the years. I’ve just learned a lot of it the hard way. The best advice I’ve ever found came from the Bible—specifically Deuteronomy 6. It provides a solid approach to parenting:

Listen, Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is One. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Bind them as a sign on your hand and let them be a symbol on your forehead. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates (Deut. 6:4-9).

It looks like that the most important thing we can do for our children is to love the Lord with everything we have. Then, we need to teach our kids to do the same thing.

Walking and Talking
Parents need to be the primary developers of their children. That means providing for their physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. It also means talking with them about loving God with all we are every chance we get.

Doubt it? Take another look. We’re told to talk about God when we sit, walk, lie down, and get up. That’s consistent exercise.

Conventional wisdom says parents should give their kids more than they had growing up. As a result, many parents devote time and energy to making money. They want the best for their kids, but forget to invest in their kids.

To be honest, parents can’t be the primary spiritual developer of their kids without investing time in them. If biblical parenting involves teaching as you’re sitting, walking, lying down, and getting up, parents and kids have to be together. If the Bible says teaching happens in the normal course of life, our course of life may need to be modified.

How Jesus Grew
That won’t be easy, but it is necessary if we are going to begin stemming the tide of the 70 percent of students who leave church for at least a year after high school graduation.

Ever wonder how Jesus grew up? Luke 2:52 gives us a glimpse. It also provides a pretty good framework for developing kids: And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and with people. Based on this passage, here are three areas in which we can help our students develop:

Favor with God: We want them to know God in a very real way. We want them to go beyond just knowing about Him to building a personal relationship with Him.

Wisdom and stature: We want our kids to own their faith. We want them to experience God in their everyday lives and recognize who they are in Christ.

Favor with man: We want our kids to make their faith known. One of the coolest things parents can experience is seeing their kids share Christ through the influence and relationships they build.

Step by step
So, what can you do to create a new normal as the primary developer of your kids? Here are some ideas:
• Decide you will make your kid’s spiritual development your primary task. Seems basic, but unless you commit to this, it won’t happen.
• Don’t try to be a super Christian. Just model that you know God, own your faith, and make your faith known.
• Start small. Choose one day a week to eat dinner together and do a short devotion as a family.
• Pray for your kids every day. Pray that they will know God, own their faith, and make their faith known.
• Be involved in your kids’ church activities. Don’t expect your youth ministry team to be the primary spiritual developer of your kid.

You won’t create your new normal in a single day. The key is starting with a few actions that matter most—and being consistent. Let your kids hear you talk about God and what He’s done. Let them hear you pray. Let them see and hear you share your story of His work in your life.

Making It Happen
Truth be told, my wife and I have not found a magic bullet or super pill that help us be Mr. and Mrs. Wonderful. It’s hard work, but it is a worthy endeavor.

God has trusted us enough to loan us these two girls. The task overwhelms us sometimes. We realize that we can’t do it alone and we can’t do it without intentionally being the primary developers of our kids. It’s a daunting task, but it’s also a privilege!

I once heard that the best test of parenthood is only realized through grandchildren. Our grandkids are counting on us to raise their parents (our kids) in a way that honors God.

I believe God has established a strong pattern for parenting in Deuteronomy 6. I also believe you are up to the challenge. Accept the challenge. Help your kids know God, own their faith, and make their faith known.

Paul Turner and his wife Sondra have two teen daughters, Shelbi and Morgan.In addition to his ministry to youth leaders across the country, he usually can be found training for a marathon.