Praying for the Marriages of Your Adult Children

Written by Gary Hardin

This morning I prayed for Traci and Michael, Greg and Michelle, and Leah and Matthew. Traci, Greg, and Leah are my adult children; Michael, Michelle, and Matthew are their spouses. I pray weekly for their marriages. I have seen God do incredible things as I have chosen to stand in the gap and intercede for my adult children.

How can parents pray effectively for the marriages of their adult children? God’s book of wisdom, Proverbs, gives some timely and practical principles.

Pray With Knowledge (Proverbs 19:2)
Our zeal, says Proverbs 19:2, should be guided by knowledge because the urge to do something quickly without facts and information invites disaster. Throwing up a quick “God bless my child’s marriage” might have its place, but praying while armed with facts and specific information is better.

Praying with knowledge requires that we know what is going on in our children’s lives. What challenges currently confront them? What are the biggest marriage stressors in their lives today? What specific needs are they facing? What’s going on in their work lives? Are they managing their money effectively? Do they have friends? Are they active in church? Your answers to these questions will guide your prayer time.

Pray With Boundaries (Proverbs 27:8)
Proverbs 27:8 informs us that a bird knows his place – the nest – and stays there. “The sensible watch their steps” (Prov. 14:15). Think twice before violating boundaries.
A boundary functions like an imaginary fence, reminding me of what I am responsible for and what I am not. Appropriate boundaries indicate where my responsibility ends and someone else’s begins.

When I observe my adult children making mistakes in their marriages, finances, or parenting, my temptation is to rush in, speak up, and give advice. If an adult child asks for my advice, I have an open door to express my opinion. But until then, my best approach is to honor the boundary and pray only.

Pray With Integrity (Proverbs 20:5-7)
Exemplary living should back up a parent’s prayerful words. Proverbs 20:5-7 reveals three qualities that provide an example for adult children: understanding (the capacity to discern), loyalty (keeping commitments), and righteousness (a blameless life).

Noted prayer warrior E.M. Bounds once said, “Prayer takes in the whole man.” Speaking of the role of holiness and godliness in prayer, he said, “Character and conduct undefiled, made whiter than snow, are mighty potencies … for the struggles of prayer.”

I want my adult children to have growing marriages, so I give attention to the health of my own marriage. I pray for my adult children to be good money managers, so I set an example by being one myself. I want my adult children to have a heart for the Lord’s work; consequently, I stay involved in my church.

Pray With Perseverance (Proverbs 21:22)
Prayer warriors understand that some strongholds are defeated only with persistent, continual, determined prayer. One who prays with perseverance prays with wisdom. That quality, says Proverbs 21:22, defeats strongholds.

Do you get discouraged and stop praying because God’s answer has not come quickly enough? Jesus taught us to pray continually and not give up (Luke 18:1). Some petitions I have brought to the Lord on behalf of my adult children have not yet been granted. I don’t allow those delays to hinder me from praying persistently for my children.

Pray With Patience (Proverbs 25:15)
God uses prayer to build character into the lives of our adult children. But, as any person knows, character development does not occur overnight. Praying parents need patience.
Pushiness and getting ahead of God are praying parents’ worst enemies. Patience accomplishes what manipulation, scheming, biting words, and ill-mannered behavior cannot. Patience, states Proverbs 25:15, is so powerful it can persuade rulers.

For more than a year, I have prayed about a situation faced by the spouse of one of my children. This need stirs my heart deeply because it impacts this person’s eternity and it affects a marriage. Although the resolution of this circumstance has not yet come, and I struggle with God’s timing, I believe God wants me to pray patiently until the answer comes.

Pray With Priorities (Proverbs 15:9)
What matters most to God? Jesus told us in Matthew 6:33: pursuing God’s will (“the       kingdom of God”) and living by God’s standards (“His righteousness”). According to Proverbs 15:9, God loves those who pursue Him and His ways.

This nugget of wisdom from Proverbs gives specific guidance as to how I should pray for my adult children. Since God “loves the one who pursues righteousness,” one request I should be making of the Lord is for Him to build the pursuit of godliness into the lives and marriages of my children.

Pray With Sensitivity (Proverbs 15:23)
Don’t you feel encouraged when someone tells you that he or she is praying for you? While I don’t tell my adult children every detail of my prayer time for them, the Lord sometimes prompts me to let them know that I am praying for specifics in their lives. I try to divulge these times sensitively and without a pompous or upbraiding tone. I find these Spirit-led conversations are what Proverbs 15:23 describes as a “timely word.”

Pray With Forgiveness (Proverbs 10:12)
Has an adult child caused you some heartache? In our world, offenses and wrongdoings afflict every family. What parents do with an adult child’s offenses makes the difference between closeness and alienation. No mom or dad prays well while harboring feelings of unforgiveness toward a child.

The Holy Spirit regarded Proverbs 10:12 as such a powerful Bible verse that He guided both James and Peter to include the verse in their letters (Jas. 5:20; 1 Pet. 4:8). Hatred (and we could include unforgiveness) stirs up more trouble. On the other hand, love, including forgiveness, covers a listing of wrongs. Hatred and unforgiveness would drag an adult child’s mistakes out into public, but love and forgiveness keep those same wrongs out of sight.

Pray With Action (Proverbs 28:27)
The last thing parents want to do is to make adult children dependent upon their money. Love, however, does not close its eyes to needs, as Proverbs 28:27 teaches.

When my wife and I were young marrieds, her father met a big need by purchasing a used car for us. My father-in-law said that while praying about our needs, he sensed God prompting him to purchase the car. As we pray about a need in the life of an adult child, God might want us to be the source for meeting that need.

Pray With Faith (Proverbs 3:5-6)
More than anything, I want my adult children to love Jesus, hunger for God’s Word, and have great marriages. But I can’t make, or force, those things to happen. I can, however, leave my burden in God’s hands and trust Him to work in my children’s hearts.

A long time ago, I selected Proverbs 3:5-6 as theme Bible verses for my life. Whenever I am tempted to lean on my own understanding and manipulate situations to my advantage, I know there is a better way. I commit my concerns to God and trust Him to act in the way He knows is best.

Gary Hardin is a writer and pastor of Enon Grove Baptist Church in Cedar Bluff, Ala.

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